


Wicked Games

by alyssa146



Series: Wicked this way comes [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Betrayal, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Depression, Emotional Baggage, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Evil Dean Winchester, Human Castiel, Hurt Sam Winchester, Idiots in Love, Jealous Dean Winchester, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Mary is a badass, Might not, Minor Character Death, Possessive Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Rough Sex, Sam has problems guys, Scarred Dean Winchester, Serial Killers, Sexual Violence, Stalking, Top Dean Winchester/Bottom Sam Winchester, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Young Sam Winchester, burn mark, facial issues, facial wise, his lovers a killer, it aint gonna go away, might get rid of it, no hunters, rough everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-05-19 23:59:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 23,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14883746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyssa146/pseuds/alyssa146
Summary: It's been two years since Dean vanished within the fiery flames that was Sam's house. Everyone claimed he was dead, that he had nothing to worry about so he decided to move on. Well it turns out even the dead doesn't stay dead.





	1. Time To Move On

**Author's Note:**

> Here's your sequel!!! This may or may not become a verse I think I’m gonna do about 20 chapters maybe less i dont know yet but remember this isn’t a one chapter sequel

2 years later.

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. Its been 730 days and Dean is still the first thing Sam thinks about when he wakes up in the morning and the last thing he thinks about before he goes to sleep. 

It had been two years since that day. Two years since their house burnt down, two years since Dean tried to kill his parents, two years since Sam betrayed his brother and two years since he disappeared.

The police were adamant that there was no one else in the house. His parents tried to tell him that maybe he...maybe he burnt and there was nothing left but he knew better. His brother was out there somewhere. He knew it.

Sometimes he regretted hurting his brother. Maybe if he would have just listened, would have handed him that rope his life would be easier. He wouldn't be in such pain and he wouldn't feel like dying. 

He tried to move on after that, it wasn't easy.

The first 5 months were filled with nightmares, with Sam waking up screaming and burning. With Dean crawling over him with a knife and wicked gleam in his eyes. With their mother staring up at him with vacant eyes, blood dripping from his hands.

After that came the therapy his mom thought he needed. It helped some. His therapist was a wonderful woman, and the pills weren't bad either. 

He got closer to Adam and Kevin, told them it wasn't their fault when they said they should have seen the signs. But then when graduation came he couldn't bare to look at them anymore, to see the pity in their eyes.

He pushed through high school, skipped prom, focused on school and now here he was a freshman in college far away from home and all the drama and sorrow it brings.

His dream had always been a soccer scholarship to Brown or some other sport focused school but after Dean it didn't seem important anymore.

He was also shameful to admit that he didn't pick Brown because well Dean knew about it. Sam had told Dean all his dreams, how he wanted to play soccer there, and now that dream was ruined.

So he ended up choosing Stanford University all the way in Palo Alto, California. Away from the nightmares, away from the memories, and away from Dean.

He wasn't sure where his brother was now or even if he thought about him. He didn't know if Dean stayed close and kept his eye on him. He had been paranoid for far to long, looking out windows, feeling the hair on his neck stand up whenever someone looked at him for to long. 

But that didn't matter now. He left his friends behind so when he showed up on the first day he was skeptical. He had never been without anyone before, he wasn't sure how to act.

The Sam from 3 years ago would have bound inside with a wide smile and a friendly tone but this Sam? He was still figuring that out.

His roommate turned out to be pretty cool. His name is Jake Talley. He was in the marines before coming to school and was here on a full ride as well. He was a cross country star and had a killer smile.

He was also there to help Sam whenever the nightmares came back.

They hadn't known each-other long when the first one hit. It had been a good day, a week into classes and Sam was enjoying them. He was making friends, he was going back to his old self.

He had crashed early, worn out from the day, and Jake stayed up to play video games when the screaming started.

It didn't start off bad honestly. He was in his house, there was laughter around him, the smell of his moms apple pie floating in the air.

And then Dean was in front of him and he couldn't breathe. Smoke grew in front of his eyes and suddenly Dean was burning. His face was melting away, the flames growing higher, his mouth was open in a silent scream.

He was reaching out for him, his eyes dark and cold and full of hate. His voice was full of gravel as it rumbled out to him, telling him he was coming.

And then he woke up.

His lungs were burning from the screaming and his throat was raw as Jake sat in front of him with wide eyes, his warm hands rubbing down his arms as he shook him awake. Even as Sam thrashed, the effects of the dream still shaking through him as tears rolled down his cheeks, his chest bursting from breaths.

“Sam! What the hell man? Are you ok?”

Sam let out a strangled sob and looked around and once he realized he was safe, that there was no fire he shook his head and cried “I...I’m sorry Jake.”

He watched as Jake moved back to his bed with wary eyes, ready for Sam to scream again. 

Sam sighed and laid back down. There would be no more sleeping tonight.

All he knew was that Dean was gone and everything felt black and two years have passed and he’s still calling out Dean’s name in his sleep and then his heart races when he wakes up because he saw him. He saw Dean and for a moment he thinks its real, thinks Deans back either to kill him or take him. 

But its only a dream.


	2. I See You

Sam groaned as he walked out of his lecture hall with a raging migraine and a scratchy throat. He hadn't yet decided on a major therefore his classes were just filled with the mandatory list...boring a dreadful.

He thought about teaching, he thought about being a counselor. He just wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his life.

He squinted against the son and waited till his eyes adjusted before walking across the courtyard to meet Jake and his new friend Jess.

Jess was a pretty girl with curly blonde hair and light stormy eyes. She was tall, lean and tan and played volleyball. Sam had been walking to class one day... No running to class, horribly late when he crashed right into her.

Instead of her falling to the ground he was the one on his ass, her small hand reaching down for him, her eyes concerned.

He had blushed a bright red and scurried off the ground, without her help and pressed to his tip toes.

“You ok?”

Sam snorted “I should be asking you that after all I just ran you over like a Mack truck.”

She laughed and shook her head “no your fine, I was in a hurry to I’m late for Biology--”

Sam gasped “me to Dr--”

“Hammond?”

They both smiled at each-other and turned to walk to class. 

Jess was his best friend. He had told her about Dean about 2 weeks after he met her...the short version at least.

She had understood, gave him words of comfort and told him that she was there for him and this Dean guy, whoever he was, wasn't worth it and there was someone out there who was. But Sam wasn't so sure about that.

He didn't tell her Dean was the only and would be the only person he ever loved. He didn't tell her he still wished Dean would show up and beg for him back, tell him he’s sorry for what he did, that he has changed.

But he knows that wont happen either.

Maybe Dean really did die in the house that night and he was hoping for something useless.

Sam shook his head from his dark thoughts and looked around for his friends and spotted them on the courtyard talking slowly. Sam smiled and jogged up behind Jess and poked his fingers in her sides causing her to yelp and spin around with a glare.

“Sam Davies what have I told you!”

Sam laughed and hooked arms with her “so where we going? Cause let me tell you after the day I just had I need a good time.”

Jess grinned and wrapped her arm's round him and Jake “well my lovelies its the weekend and....its time to get drunk.”

Jake snorts “that's your only idea of a good time Jess.”

Jess frowns “that's a lie...what I mean is there's a concert on the lawn tomorrow and I think we should go. I’m not sure who it is, I think some indie band or something. What do you think?”

Sam nodded his head and checked his phone “that's fine but right now I need food and maybe a beer.”

“Thank God for fake ID’s.”

 

The next night Sam was fidgeting in front of his mirror, pulling at the tight shirt Jess threw on him “Jess I’m not sure about this I mean...I feel like I’m wearing a second skin.”

Jake snorted lowly and looked him over from his bed, where he was wearing loose fitted clothes, “you look like a hooker.”

Sam’s jaw dropped and he glared at Jess “see? I’m taking this off--”

Jess jumped up and grabbed his arm “no your not you look great and tonight were going out and having fun now lets go.”

Sam tried to reach for his jacket but Jess just tugged harder and pulled them out into the hall away from his room “Jess--”

“No.” Jess looked at him firmly “were going out tonight and you look hot. Quit worrying so much about what other people think and let go for once.”

He wanted to tell her he did let go once and it almost got him killed. But instead he smiled weakly and followed her out.

 

The music was blaring so loud it was humming through Sam’s skin. Sweaty bodies were gathered all around him making him practically glued to Jess and Jake as everyone tried to get closer to the stage.

The lights were flashing red all around them making Sam’s eyes blurry as he tried to focus on the stage. He turned to grab Jess’s arm and tell her he was going to the bathroom when someone bumped into him hard shoving him away from his friends, turning him around.

He rubbed his shoulder with a frown and looked around to find his friends he opened his mouth to call out for them when he froze.

Smoke was clouding around the area from the machines but there passing by a beer station was a man.

The side of his face had a burn mark from the temple to the jaw, the skin flayed and raw. His hair was blonde and messy, sticking up all over the place. Sam couldn't see his eyes but he could guess what color they were.

Desperate, he pushed through the crowd and shoved people aside and sucked in a sharp breath as he made it to an empty space and looked around with wild eyes.

The man was gone.

But Sam was sure, he could have sworn he saw Dean in the crowd.

But then his friends were jogging forward with concerned faces and he couldn't seem to find Dean anywhere so maybe he had imagined it.

Maybe Dean hadn't been there at all


	3. Coming Home

When Sam got home that night he stumbled inside with wet cheeks and raw eyes and threw up right at the doorway. He could hear his friends whispering quietly as they gently maneuvered him to his bed and tucked him in.

He knew they were confused,maybe a little upset that they had to leave the concert early and so was Sam.

It had been two years, he thought he had let go. Sure there were nightmares and he thought of Dean often. But it had been at least a year since he last thought he saw Dean. 

Was he alive?

They never found a body, there's no proof he’s dead Sam just kind of took every ones word for it. But there was always apart of him that was sure Dean was out there, lurking.

Sam groaned and pushed his face in his pillow as Jess sat next to him “Sam? Sweetie what happened tonight?”

Sam squeezed his eye's closed and shook his head. He couldn't tell her the truth, they would think he was crazy.

Hell maybe he was.

Jess turned and shared a look with Jake before getting up “ok well...I’m gonna stay here tonight ok Sam? I’ll be right here in the floor next to you and Jake's right there if you need us.”

He watched through squinted eyes as Jess took a blanket off Jake’s bed and crawled down next to him. He wasn't sure what he did to gain two wonderful friends and he felt guilty he couldn't tell them the truth.

But it was better this way.

 

Sam sighed tiredly as he threw his last bag in the car and shut the door before turning to look at his friends. It was fall break, a week before Thanksgiving the time to go home and see his family and friends.

But Sam was still tempted to stay.

It had been roughly 2 weeks since he thought he saw Dean at the concert and in that time he had managed to convince himself he was seeing things and let it go. He ended up telling Jess and Jake that he thought he saw someone who looked an awful lot like his ex and he was just upset that night.

They bought it.

Jess smiled at him and wrapped him in a warm hug “will see you soon ok? When you come back you better have gained weight.”

Sam snorted and rolled his eyes “whatever you say mom.” he shared a smile with Jake and hopped in the car for the long ride home.

Mick offered to send him a plane ticket so he wouldn't have to drive but he felt like he needed this ride.

Also, he wasn't ready to be home yet.

The 26 hours didn't feel long enough and soon he was pulling into his driveway with messy thoughts and a heavy heart. 

When he got out of his car something heavy weighed on him. He felt like he was stepping back in the gates of hell as he looked up at their new home Mick built after the fire. Mick decided it was time to move from their street and ended up locating them closer to downtown, closer to people he said.

Their home was a tad smaller than the last one, not by much. There was an automatic security system that could detect who entered the home and if they were welcome or not. So he could feel safer they said.

But he didn't feel safe, he didn't think he ever would. 

He was tempted to jump back in the car and go back to school when his mom came flying out with a wide smile on her red lips. She threw her arms around him, her cashmere sweater scratching at his neck as he hugged her back.

His mom was small she always had been, her grip snug but not tight but at that moment Sam felt like he was suffocating, like he was drowning in her hold and he didn't like it, not one bit.

 

After the welcome backs and hugs Sam made his way to his room, telling them he was tired and needed a nap which after driving 26 hours straight only stopping for gas and coffee he wasn't exactly lying.

His mom told him he was crazy for driving straight through, that he should have flown home like Mick said but he waved her off and told her he wanted to. He could feel her eyes on him as he walked up the stairs. Could hear their hushed whispers as he paused in the hallway. They were concerned. He didn't look good. He was to skinny. He was tired. He needed to eat. He needed to go see his Doctor.

Sam scoffed and slammed his door shut. His doctor. What did she do for him besides write him prescriptions and tell him Dean never loved him, that he was just using him. She made him doubt everything he thought he knew. And he didn't like that.

So no he wouldn't be seeing her, he would take the antidepressant and anxiety meds but he didn't need her help.

He didn't need any-ones help.

He was fine.

He would be fine.


	4. Once Again

Sam didn't come down till the next morning, sleeping through the day and night. When he woke his stomach bubbled loudly and he felt sick to his stomach. But not eating for a whole day would do that.

It seemed his mom had the same idea so when he came down the strong smell of bacon, french toast and black coffee lit up his nose and he sighed in comfort.

His mom smiled at him as he sat and pushed a plate in front of him her grin growing as he dug in “honey...have you been eating? You seem... Smaller.”

Sam looked down at himself and frowned. Sure he had lost a couple pounds but after the two years he had could you blame him?

“Mom I eat like a horse my metabolism is just high.”

She nodded slowly “what about sleeping? You look tired.”

Sam sighed and gave her a look “yes I sleep. I haven't been sleeping well the past two weeks thought I...I wasn't feeling well.”

She narrowed her brown eyes and looked over “whats wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong mom God I just wasn't feeling like myself I’m fine now whats with the third degree? I came home to spend time with my family and take a break not to be hassled every freaking day.”

Sam stood up abruptly, knocking the chair down as he turned to leave.

“Sam I’m just looking out for you. I’m your mother.”

Sam paused and looked over his shoulder “he didn't say goodbye...he didn't say goodbye so a part of me still thinks he’s coming back. You cant help me mom,no one can.”

 

Sam hadn't really wanted to but he ended up meeting up with Adam and Kevin at a coffee shop downtown. Sam was 15 minutes late when he finally showed up, he could see Adam and Kevin already sitting at a table in the back with cups of coffees sitting in front of them.

He looked back down the road he came and debated on just taking off and going home and forgetting he was ever here. But then Kevin looked up and grinned and waved his hand wildly causing others to turn and look at him.

So with a blush he walked inside and up to the front counter and ordered a iced latte before going and sitting with his friends.

Adam snorted “you know its November right?”

“Well yeah... You know I like cold coffee better no matter what season it is.”

They both smiled and looked down into the cups, an awkward silence following.

Sam wasn't just what to say here. After the whole thing with Dean he had still be friends with them sure but it kind of died down when summer came and Sam left for California. He hasn't talked to them since before he left.

Finally he cleared his throat and looked up “so Adam hows Columbia?”

Adam smiled “good its good I’m still on the soccer team, thinking about going for captain next year.”

Sam nodded and looked to Kevin who nodded his head “I’m good to...I transferred to NYU so Adam and I are pretty close to each-other, we hang out on the weekends. I finally decided to go with film as my major.”

Sam smiled “that's great...”

“What about you?”

The boys shared a look “yeah Sam how are you?”

Sam licked his lips nervously “I’m...I’m fine. I haven’t really chosen a major yet I’m not sure what I’m gonna do. I decided not to do soccer this year but I’ve made some really good friends and I’m good.”

Adam bit his lip and ducked his head, his blonde hair sweeping in his face “and what about your eds? Are those still good?”

Sam frowned and narrowed his eyes “I don’t really think that's any of your business.”

“Were just concerned Sam we haven't heard from you in months and--”

Sam scoffed and shook his head “you have no right to ask me if I’m still on medication or if I’m still having nightmares, or seeing Dean. that's what you really wanna ask right? If I’m still in love with him? If I know where he is? Well I hate to disappoint you but no I haven't...” Sam looked down “I haven't.”

“You haven't what?”

Sam stood up “forget it I don't have to defend myself to you what I have or haven't seen is none of your concern.”

Sam threw his half drunk coffee away and stomped out the door and into the chilly air, pulling his jacket tighter around him as he took off seething down the leaf covered sidewalk.

The gall of those two had him completely baffled. They were supposed to be his friends but he felt like he just left a therapy session.

He took a short cut through the park, curses still leaving his mouth and he flipped through his phone and texted his mom that he would be home soon when he bumped into something hard, knocking him down on the ground.

Sam let out a pained groan as he fell on his ass, his phone falling to the ground. This was so not the day to have people bumping into him and just as he was about to stand up and rip this person a new one a hand reached down and took his phone.

A hand that was calloused and rough and looked strangely familiar. 

Sam gulped harshly, his throat drying as he looked up into pulsing green eyes that held a tint of desire and fury within them.

Sam fell back to the ground as he looked at the man in front of him. His hair was messy and all over the place, his eyes were dark and cold and it made Sam shiver at the sight. And his face...one half was perfect covered with a scattering of freckles, but on the left side, running from his eye to his jaw line was a deep burn. The skin was raw and a pulsing red. The skin was flayed and obviously still in the healing process as spots of white threaded through the burn. It looked horribly painful.

The man smirked down at him and Sam felt like he might cry. He wanted to run away and bury himself in his room and never come out. His heart felt like it might jump from his chest as the man crouched down to him.

“You dropped this.”

Sam gasped at the rough voice that caused a shiver to run up his spine.

Sam leaned forward and looked the man in the eyes.

“Dean?”

The smirk grew into a dark grin “hello Sammy.”


	5. Not Over You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is some attempted sexual assault in this chapter, don't like it then please don't read it. Also if anyone feels like they need to talk to me or needs reassurance from this story please let me know. I know this story goes deep into the mentality and Sam is a little lost right now I promise it will get better. I am not keeping him seriously depressed the whole time I just want everyone to understand that Sam is only human and he is hurting. But again if anyone is hurting or needs to talk I am here.
> 
> Thank you again for all the support for this story and I hope everyone is enjoying it so far and remember this is a verse and it will get better. But also remember Dean is dark and he has changed since the first story.

A choked gasp left Sam’s lips as he scrambled back on his hands and knees to get away from his brother who watched in amusement, enjoying every minute of his terror.

Dean clucked his tongue and made a sad face, his lip rolling out “aw Sammy didn't you miss me?”

Sam wished he could say he didn't whimper like a little girl... But he did. He shot up off the ground and looked around with wild eyes, hoping to see others nearby, but to no avail. His skin felt cold and clammy and his heart was beating to fast and he felt like he might faint as he took in his brother. 

This man wasn't the same one he left in the house that night. This man was pure evil, this man was a wild animal.

With every step Sam took Dean countered it with a bigger one, a wicked glint in his eye as he looked him up and down “college suits you Sam, you look... Well you look gorgeous.” suddenly Dean took a giant step and reached out and gripped Sam’s arm so tight he thought it might break, and yanked him close till his breath hit Sam’s lips and looked down at him with eyes full of hatred “bet you wish you could say the same to me!” he hissed, his spit hitting Sam’s face.

Sam turned his head to avoid the sinister eyes but Dean gripped his chin hard and turned him back and pressed their noses together “oh no Sam you don't get to turn away not after what you did. This is me Sammy, this is what you did to me.”

Sam whimpered, tears rolling down his face as he tried jerking away from his brother “De--Dean please...”

Dean scoffed and shoved him away roughly making him bump into a tree “were passed the time for beggin Sammy in fact I think were at the point where you should be on your knees... Asking for mercy.”

Sam froze at the cruel look on Dean’s face and watched in horror as he once again reached out and shoved him to the ground on his knees, his nose pressing against Dean’s crotch and he whined as he tried to pull back but was held still.

Dean groaned as he looked down at Sam “Fuck I forgot how pretty you were on your knees... You wanna remind daddy?”

Sam's eyes widened as he looked up at Dean “no... Don’t Dean, please don't.”

Dean laughed loudly, his head tipping back giving Sam primal view of the burn on his face “oh Sam I’m not gonna be the one whose doing anything, its all you baby boy.”

Sam wasn't sure where the sudden strength came from but just as Dean was going to undo his zipper, one hand snug in Sam’s hair, he waited till the boxers came into view and then leaned in, and just when Dean thought he might actually do it he pressed his lips to Dean’s thick thigh and dug his teeth in sharply,

Dean cried out and pushed Sam away and when he went to inspect the deep mark Sam jumped up, reached up with his foot and kicked Dean in the crotch so hard he fell to his knees, tears springing to his eyes.

Sam turned to run as he was on his knees and when he reached the edge of the forest he could hear his brother cry out, clear as day making Sam tremble in fear at the promise.

“This isn't over Sam! I’m back baby and I ain't done with you yet!”

 

By the time Sam made it home he was frozen not only with the cold but with fear. For two years he hadn't known if his brother was alive or not and when he saw him a couple weeks ago he was sure he was seeing things.

But now he new better, his brother was alive and he was coming for him.

For revenge.

Sam threw himself on his bed, sobs pouring out of him in cracked edges as he crumbled on his bed and ignored his mother knocking at his door.

He figured his friends called and spilled the beans about him acting crazy. He should have stayed.

As he laid in bed that night all he could think about was Dean. The wild look in his eyes, how desperate they seemed tugging Sam closer. He looked a mess, nothing like the Dean Winchester from before. And his face.

Sam cringed as he stared up at his white ceiling. His face made Sam’s belly swirl with guilt. He shouldn't have left him in that house, he should have pulled him out. He should have told him the truth, they should have ran away together.

Instead he left Dean to burn.

And burn he did. 

Sam couldn't understand, after all this time why he felt so guilty. Dean had hurt him in almost every possible way and yet he still craved him. He wanted to scream, maybe throw something, or go out and chug a fifth of alcohol but instead he just laid there in silence and stared at the wall.

 

It was still dark out when Sam’s eyes cracked open. He groaned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes and peered at the clock. It was 3 in the morning, so why was he awake?

He rolled back over and intended on forcing himself back to sleep when a loud bang hit against his window and he shot up with wide eyes.

He sat there in his sheets, his skin sweaty and his heart racing and stared at the window and waited. He didn't have to wait long, a rock came out and thumped against his window making him jolt in surprise.

He got off the bed and moved wearily towards the window and grabbed a hold of his curtains, took a deep breath and threw them aside and looked down. 

His jaw dropped and a winded breath left him as he looked down at Dean. He was a hooded figure in the night, his face almost covered by darkness, the green eyes peering out in the night. 

Sam squinted his eyes as he looked down at Dean and watched as he stepped closer and pushed his good back allowing him to see his face more. 

He was dangling a cigarette from his mouth, the smoke billowing out into the night like a cloud and a cocky smirk on his lips. He had his head tipped to the side like he was taking everything in. His eyes were piercing and feral almost like a wolf. And Sam felt both terror and arousal all at once and willed himself to calm down.

Dean broke the eye contact and looked around the house like he was scaling something out before looking back up and nodding his head down. Sam scoffed and backed away. No way in hell was he going down there.

But then Dean bared his teeth, the sharp canines almost making him rabid looking, and his eyes were full of warning and Sam felt himself shiver. He felt sick and he wouldn't make it to the bathroom. 

He looked around wildly and spotted the trashcan next to his bed and picked it up and hurled, his throat tight and the acid burning as his eyes blurred. He made a pitiful sound once he was finished and pushed the can to the side and wiped his mouth.

Dean was shaking his head and pointed his finger again and Sam knew he had no choice.

So he pulled on a hoodie and some sweatpants and crept downstairs, careful not to wake his parents. He punched in the code to the alarm, left the door cracked and slowly walked to stand in front of Dean.

“Your shivering... Your not scared, are you Sam?”

Sam sneered and crossed his arms “of course I am, you tried to rape me--”

Dean snorted “oh Sam its not rape if you like it, and I think we both know you do. You think I cant smell you? Smell how hot you are, just begging for me to fuck you? I know you Sammy, I know everything about you. How you tick, what turns you on, how you like it so just let me give it to you.”

Sam gulped and let out a shaky breath “I swear to God if you ever touch me like that again I’ll burn more than just the side of your face. I’ll make sure your outsides match how ugly your insides are.”

Hmm maybe that was the wrong thing to say.

Deans eyes lowered, the pupil dilated and large and he growled lowly in his throat almost like an animal before he moved fast and snatched Sam's waist and gripped tight, digging his nails into the skin and pulling him closer till their chests bumped.

Sam gasped as Dean pressed his nose to his cheek and hissed in his ear “now you listen to me you little fuck you can talk shit all you like but we both know that's all it is, talk. I know you,” Dean let out hand fall from his waist and trailed it down his thighs till he was gripping his ass “I know you want me, I can feel it Sammy.”

Sam whimpered in this throat and bit at his lip as he tried to turn his head allowing Dean to pant in his ear as the touches escalated “come on Sammy let me play a little I promise I wont bite... Much.”

And then just as Sam took in a big breath to yell out lips crashed down on his bruising and busting making him cry out. Rough hands held him tight as cracked lips devoured his mouth, almost ravaging. 

Sam closed his eyes and allowed himself to melt into the embrace and Dean let out a sigh as he wrapped one arm around his back and the other at his waist and bent him down allowing him deeper access, their tongues tangling wetly, sloppily.

Sam jolted as a hand moved down his pants and he yanked back, a string of spit following and wiped his mouth and tried to get a hold on his breathing.

“Oh God...oh God.”

Dean licked the spit from his lips and looked Sam up and down “fuck I missed you.”

Sam shook his head and walked backwards to his house “stay away from me Dean, just stay away.”

And then he turned and ran, slamming the door shut and locking it and when he got to his room he shut the curtains.


	6. In My Head

The next morning he opened the curtains somewhat wearily and looked out into the cold dreary day and sighed in relief at the empty drive in front of him.

But why did he feel disappointed?

Sam made a face and made his way to the bathroom, flipped the shower to steaming hot and jumped in and closed his eyes as the water rushed over him, turning his skin pink. He sighed as his tense muscles relaxed due to all the tension he had built up inside him.

Tension that only worsened when he went downstairs.

“I’m sorry say that again?”

His mom sighed and gave him a look “I said I made you an appointment with a new therapist. His name is Castiel Novak. I think you’ll like him.”

Sam scoffed and shoved his plate away”are you fucking kidding me? I’m home for two weeks, I just got home and you drop this bomb on me? I told you no more therapists. I’m 18 now you cant make me go.”

Mary narrowed her eyes and leaned down to look at Sam face to face “your going Samuel and that's that. I’m sick and tired of watching you mope all the time and listening to you cry at night. Your going and that's final. And if you don't you wont like the consequences.”

Sam's eyes widened and his jaw dropped as he listened to his mom. He stood up quickly, knocking the chair over “I hate you...maybe I should have let Dean kill you, we’d all be better off.”

Mary gasped, a sharp hurt stinging her chest as Sam ran up the steps and slammed the door to his room.

She looked over her shoulder as Mick came in the room with a blank face, but disbelief in his eyes. “Who are you?”

“Did you not hear what he said--”

“Oh I heard it, I cant say I blame him. Your supposed to be his mother and your threatening him? Our son is hurting, he lost the love of his life no matter how wrong it was you could try and be sympathetic. After all that man was your son to.”

Mary made a face “that wasn't my son. I lost Dean when he was 8 that man was a monster he didn't love Sam he was using him its better he know that.”

Mick sighed tiredly and picked up his brief case “you now Mary I’m not sure I know who you are anymore. I know your not the woman I married. Sam is a kid but he is also 18 you cant keep forcing him into things.”

“Mick I...he told me he should have let Dean kill me. How am I supposed to feel about that?”

“Your supposed to feel remorse. Sam loves you if he didn't he wouldn't have saved you. But I understand if he’s feeling a little regret after all he did choose you over Dean.”

 

Sam ended up going to see this Castiel Novak, but he wasn't happy about it. His mom made him an appointment for Wednesday at 2:30... He showed up 30 minutes late.

But it didn't seem to bother Dr. Novak. In fact when Sam walked in he was all smiles and bright blue eyes and Sam hated him.

“Hello Sam I’m--”

“Yeah, I know who you are.” Sam scoffed as he sat on the green couch with his arms folded and distaste obvious in his eyes.

Dr. Novak scribbled on his notepad and nodded slowly “so I take it you don't want to be here?”

Sam snorted “how’d you figure that out?”

Dr. Novak smiled warmly and gave Sam a look as he sat his pen down “listen Sam I know you not happy about this, your mother shared that on the phone but shes just trying to help you. We both are.”

Sam bit his lip and blinked back angry tears “you don't know anything about me. I don’t need your help.”

“According to your med dosage I would say you do. Not to mention the nightmares, hallucinations. You were manipulated and raped by your own brother Sam its ok to need help.”

Sam whipped his head to face the doctor and stared at him with wide, incredulous eyes “raped? I wasn't raped is that what she told you? I gave myself up willingly. I loved him it was wrong I know but I love him.”

The doctor made a face “you said loved and love all in the same sentence. So which is it Sam? Did you love him or do you love him?”

Sam gulped and looked down at his lap “does it matter?”

“I would say it does. And until you figure that out I cant help you.”

 

Sam strode out of the doctor in a foul mood, the anger boiling in his eyes as he slammed the door to his moms car shut, making her jump.

“So... How was it?”

Sam snapped his seat buckle in and gave her a sharp look “we held hands and cried together and then I went through an epiphany... How do you think it was mother?”

Mary winced at the harsh tone “honey I’m only trying to help. This isn't healthy, you have to let him go Sam. He’s dead.”

Sam snorted softly as he looked out the window and watched a young couple pass by them, holding hands. God he wanted to hit her. Dead, he wasn't dead far from it in fact. He wanted to scream at her, grab her by the shoulders and shake the hell out of her.

Instead he turned his head slowly and glared at her with betrayed eyes “your not helping your controlling. This is my life mom and if I want to be miserable well fuck it I’m gonna be. You might be my mother but you don't understand me or what I’m going through and you never will. So until the love of your life breaks your heart, lies to you, hurts you, tries to kill you then your opinion doesn't matter.”

He shook his head at her and jumped out of the car as soon as they stopped in the driveway and shut the door before jogging to his room and locking himself in side.

Mary sighed as she watched her son retreat to the house and knocked her head against the steering wheel and groaned. 

What the hell was she gonna do?


	7. Come Back

He couldn't help it really, he just had to get away. Ever since his appointment with Dr. Know it all his mother had been ragging his ass day and night, following him around the house and bombarding him with questions.

She wouldn't let him go anywhere he felt like he was on lock down. So finally he had enough and snuck out. He ignored the guilt swirling in his belly as he climbed down his tree and landed on the front lawn. He had never done this before but she left him no choice. 

If he didn't get out now he really would be crazy.

He didn't know where he was going as he quietly climbed in his car and took off down the road, the highways bare and dark and void of people. He rubbed at his eyes and tried to ignore the time on his dashboard. He was sleepy and groggy and unaware as a sleek black car followed behind him.

After driving for 20 minutes he finally parked his car at McKinney Falls State Park. When he got out of his car he felt a huge gush of wind rush through him causing him to stumble as he made his way to the falls.

He closed his eyes as he stood in the cold water now wetting through his shoes. He opened his eyes and looked down at the falls, the water rushing through his ears, the noise picking up and he lost himself in it.

He had never in his life felt suicidal. 

Through all his pain and confusion and misery never once had he contemplated killing himself. But standing on the edge of the cliff and watching the water beat down onto the sharp rocks down below he found himself in a trance. He felt like he was in a totally different world as he stood on that ledge, almost like something was taunting him, begging him to jump off into the icy water. And he could. No one knew he was here, his parents didn't even know he was gone. He could make it all go away. 

In a daze he took a step forward as the swooshing sound pounded in his ears his foot slipped on a rock, a sharp gasp left his mouth as he titled forward but just as he thought this was it a rough hand gripped his wrist hard and jerked him back making him fall in the water puddled on the rocks, landing on his elbows and his ass as he came down hard on the edges.

He winced and let out a pain filled groan and looked up to see who his savior was and paused as he saw Dean looking down at him with wild, shocked eyes, his chest heaving as his fists clenched white “what the fuck were you thinking? You fucking know better! Were you gonna jump?”

Sam looked down at his lap and sniffed as tears blurred his vision and he felt like a child being scolded, scolded for almost jumping and suddenly he felt stupid. God how could he be so stupid “I slipped...” he mumbled as he lifted up on his palms. 

Dean scoffed and looked behind him at the falls and down into the dark water before turning back around in disbelief “you wanted to slip, what the hell is wrong with you? What were you thinking Sam?”

“You!” Sam shouted as he looked up with narrowed eyes that were filled with angry tears “your whats wrong with me!” Sam stood up and ignored the water dripping down his body making a chill run through him “I’ve spent two years trying to run away from you and then you just show up like nothing ever happened and try and force yourself on me? What the fuck is wrong with YOU! Maybe I should have killed you when I had the chance.”

Dean’s eye twitched as Sam yelled out, his voice echoing off the rocks “Sam do you know how long I’ve looked for you? I see your face every-time I close my eyes. Every-night I dream, I dream of the night you betrayed me, when you did this to me.” Dean pointed to his scabbed face and snarled “look at me. You were supposed to love me Sam not hurt me.”

Sam turned his head and let out a shaky sigh “I didn't want to betray you Dean but you have to realize you were gonna kill our mother and while she may piss me off and sometimes I wish I would have went through with it I cant. She's my mom. She's your mom. She's our blood.”

Dean scoffed and made a face “she's not my mom... She's a stranger, she took you away from me Sam. She lied to you, she stole you like a fucking thief how are you ok with that? Do you hate me that much?”

Sam pulled at his hair and let out a loud huff “I don't know Dean! God I don't hate you Dean I wish I did it would be a hell of a lot easier if I did. I wish I could just walk away from you and forget you ever existed but I cant. You’ve ruined everything.”

Sam was sobbing now, his face stained with tears and choked breaths leaving him as he tipped his head back, trying to get the tears to leave his vision. “You put me through hell and I called it love.”

Dean stepped forward, his hands stretched out, white calloused busted open on the broken palms “I do love you Sammy, I’m the only one that does. You think Mary gives a fuck about you? You think Mick does? Their holding you hostage Sam that's all they care about, that you don't run back to me. They don't care, they don't love you like I do, no one ever could.”

Sam shook his head and closed his eyes “shut up.”

“They don't Sam I do... I love you so much baby you know I do. Their nothing, they mean nothing you know its true.”

“Just shut up!” Sam screeched as he whipped around to face Dean his face cooling in the air as the tears dried on his face “shut up...”

Dean looked down and took his chance as he moved closer his hands coming up to grab Sam’s and he held him tight, his thumb stroking over the soft skin “stop pretending Sammy and come back to me.”

Sam gulped and looked up at Dean. His brothers eyes were downcast and dark underneath. His skin was pale and his face... His face was bright red, the burns scabbed over and peeling and Sam wondered what would happen if he rubbed his palm down those jagged marks.

Would it come off? 

Would it erase everything that happened that night?

Dean looked genuine as his eyes pleaded with Sam and he felt himself crack. Two years of running, of convincing himself his brother was dead, that he wouldn't come for him and if he did he would run. But now he was standing in front of him, begging him in the only way Dean Winchester could...manipulation. And he was gonna fall for it.

Sam sighed in defeat before sniffing and looking up with watery eyes as his hand came to frame his untouched cheek, the other hovering shakily over the burns.

Dean looked at him with challenging eyes, like he didn't think Sam would do it. So Sam took a breath and started by trailing one finger down the scarred cheek watching as Dean shivered before laying his whole palm on the hurt skin savoring the way Dean gasped.

He could talk himself out of it but before he could go in to deep he slammed his lips on Deans and moaned at the feeling . His brothers hand gripped his hips tightly, bruises already blooming on the tan skin as he tugged him in tighter. Their tongues melded wetly as they slid over cracked lips and as they pulled back Sam tried to ignore Dean’s wicked smirk.

He would deal with that tomorrow.


	8. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its short sorry :)

Sam hadn't had time to think much since the kiss. In fact the only thing he can see clearly is him running away as soon as their lips were detached. He had never felt such shame in his entire life then the moment when he got home and his lips were still tingling from Dean’s kiss.

That night he laid in bed and he cried. God he had tried, he tried so hard to stay away from him, tried to forget him and just like that he was crawling back into his big brothers arms like an abandoned puppy.

Sam wasn't sure what it was that made him snap. Maybe it was because for a split second he forgot how Dean’s lips felt against his. Or the way he smelt, all pine and cinnamon like. All he knew was when he got home he threw himself in the shower, as hot as it could go and tried to scrub himself clean.

But it Dido work and he ended up sliding himself down the shower wall, tears dripping from his eyes and down his neck blending in with the scalding water. He had told himself it Dido happen, that it Dido mean anything but it did. And before he knew it he was sobbing his cries muffled by the shower blocking out his angry screams as the fog gathered around him. 

And before he really had time to think about what that night meant he was being dragged to another appointment and practically thrown into Dr. Novak’s office. And now here he was sitting on the god awful ugly couch watching Dr. Novak watch him.

“So Sam you seem...down today. Would you like to tell me what happened? The other day you seemed so fiery and now its gone. You say your fine Sam but your still hurting.”

Sam snorted softly “I said I was fine but I never said it Dido hurt, you just assumed that part. And a lot has changed since we last talked.”

“Like what? I’m here for you Sam, whatever you want to share I’ll listen.”

“You think I’m gonna sit here and go through all my memories with you? Well I hate to burst your bubble Doc but I don't want to dig through the dumpster to search for the thrown away pieces of myself. I’m scared, I’m scared don't you get that? I don't want to dig up all the memories I have of Dean, to put myself through that again. I will never be the same person I was before I met him, I don't even know who that was anymore. I feel used and abused and manipulated. Did he love me? I don't know and I used to think I knew the answer to that question but I don't anymore. All I know is some mornings I wake up and I feel trapped like every bad thing that's ever happened to me is weighing me down and I cant get free. So you think that sitting here with you for an hour two days a week is gonna help me? Let me tell you something Doctor no one can help me.”

Sam watched through bleary eyes as the therapist cleared his throat, his face turning red with emotion as he listened to Sam and Sam couldn't help but feel satisfied as Dr. Novak squirmed in his seat under Sam’s intense gaze.

“Sam I know your hurting and right now you think your alone. But your not. You have to stop letting Dean control you Sam. He’s dead and he’s not coming back Sam. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

Sam wanted to bust out laughing, to slap the Doctor in the face and tell him he was an idiot and he knew nothing instead he shook his head with a sarcastic smile and looked down at his watch “well look at that,” Sam looked up with a grin “times up.”

 

Sam Dido really feel much better when he got home. As soon as he shut the door his mom followed him up to his room, hot on his heels with questions that Sam denied her with silence.

Till he slammed the door in her face.

She stayed outside his room for about 10 minutes before giving up and going downstairs to whisper with Mick.

It was 5 days till Thanksgiving and Sam wasn't feeling very thankful.

He watched as slowly one by one his family started showing up. Well Micks family. 

Gradually each family member started coming down from London to stay in the hotel nearby and usually Sam would feel happy about that. He loved his adoptive family members he really did, especially grandma Emma but right now he wasn't feeling very festive.

He watched from his window as his mom went out to meet Micks sister Jennifer and waved halfheartedly as she looked up at his window with a smile before turning and throwing himself on his bed.

What good was Thanksgiving if you couldn't have what you really wanted?

It happened the next day.

His mom was downstairs getting everything in order for Thanksgiving dinner in a couple days. Setting up the wine bottles, getting out ingredients and going ahead to set the table for the 20 guests that would be there.

She sent him in her room to hunt down a piece of paper that had the stuffing recipe on it. He groaned and complained as he stomped upstairs and began searching through her bedside door.

And that's when he saw it.

Tucked under the mattress of his mothers side of the bed was a Glock 19 handgun wrapped safely in a cotton cloth.

Sam gasped in surprise, his eyes blinking wide as he stared down at the gun. What was she planning on using this for? Where the hell did she get it?

“Sam! Did you find it?”

Sam jumped at his moms voice and dropped the sheet hiding the gun quickly and stood up as he gripped the piece of paper tight in his hand.

Oh he found something alright, he just wasn't sure what it was for.

When he got downstairs his mom smiled at him happily as she plucked the paper from his weak grasp.

How could she act like she wasn't hiding a firearm under her bed like a fucking criminal?

She was puttering around like the perfect housewife, acting like nothing was wrong and lying to everyone--

Sam dropped his gaze as a bad thought popped in his mind.

Did she know Dean was alive? Was she planning on killing him? Maybe she thought Sam Dido know and was gonna get rid of him before he found out?

Sam fidgeted in his seat and looked at him mom with suspicious eyes. Would she kill her own son to protect another?

As Mary pulled out a sharp butcher knife and began cutting the turkey, the knife sliding smoothly through the flabby skin Sam guessed she would.


	9. Can't Hide

Sam wasn't sure why he did it, or what was running through his head as he climbed out of his window in the dead of night but something in him was screaming at him, screaming at him to find Dean and tell him what he found. Logically he knew it was none of Dean’s business and if his mom happened to know the truth and felt the need to get rid of him she should.

But deep down inside of Sam he knew he couldn't let that happen.

He wasn't sure if Dean still had his old apartment but once his parents were asleep he snuck out and made his way over there.

The hide-a-key was still buried under the bush allowing him to creep inside.

Everything was the same. The small red couch was still sitting against the wall, the bed was still covered only by a small sheet and resting in the center of the room. The TV was still at the foot of the bed and the kitchen was still small.

Nothing had changed.

Sam let out a shaky breath as his eyes scanned over the place that still haunted his dreams. That stupid red couch...the red couch where he gave everything to Dean.

“Sam?”

Sam froze, his breathing slowing down, and his heart rate speeding up as his body shivered at the smoky voice behind him.

Dean was standing in nothing but a towel, his body dripping wet, his hair in his face blocking the burn mark. His eyes were confused, like he hadn't expected to ever see Sam again.

“What are you doing here?”

Sam gulped “that's a good question, I’m not to sure myself.”

Dean looked around slowly and then back with hesitant eyes “do you...do you want something to drink?”

Sam shook his head no as his brother walked to his dresser and pulled out some sweatpants and a shirt and dropped the towel making Sam blush and spin around on his heels.

He could hear Dean snort behind him as he tried to focus on the coffee table in front of him.

“You can turn around now Francis.”

Sam huffed but turned and watched as Dean sat down on his bed and towel dried his hair before tossing it across the room and looking at Sam expectantly. “You gonna tell me why your here?”

“I think mom knows your alive.”

Dean’s brows shot up and he looked at Sam with brooding emerald eyes as he leaned on his hands “how would she know that? Did you tell her?”

Sam shook his head quickly with wide, innocent eyes “of course not! Why the hell would I tell her that her psychopathic son is alive?”

Dean scoffed darkly “then how the fuck would she know? What even makes you think she knows?”

Sam gnawed at his lip and looked at the floor with distant eyes “cause...cause I found a gun under her mattress.”

The room was silent then, the only sounds coming from the nighttime bugs outside and a siren sounding in the distance. When Sam chanced looking up he felt frozen at Dean’s vacant expression clouding his face as he stared off into the distance.

Sam cocked his head “Dean?”

Dean shook his head and glanced at Sam “you think she plans to use it on me?”

Sam shrugged “That was my first thought. I’ve never seen it before Dean why would she have it? She has to know something.”

“Does Mick know she has it?”

“Probably not. Dad’s from a long line of Quakers. He only uses violence when absolutely unnecessary.”

“So that night in the house?”

Sam kicked his foot out lightly “I guess he deemed it necessary.”

Dean snorted and fell back on his bed “like I would have hurt you.”

Sam narrowed his eyes “you did hurt me Dean, in more ways than one, in every definition of the word. You broke me, you used me, and you...you killed me. I am trying my fucking best every single day to let you go but I can hardly breathe anymore and i feel like I’m drowning.” Sam could feel the tears burning his eyes and he tried to sniff them up but they escaped which made him cry harder.

“I’m trying my hardest not to act how I feel because If I did this whole fucking room would explode,” Sam sniffed as he wiped at his face and ignored his aching eyes.

Dean sucked in his cheeks and looked down “I would never hurt you Sam.”

Sam laughed coldly “yeah I’ve heard that before.” Sam shook his head and sighed “I loved you more than you ever deserved you fucker.”

Dean stood and smoothed his hair back with his fingers before stepping forward and taking Sam’s wrist and held it gently in his patchy hands “Sam...Sammy I know your pissed at me right now and you might hate me but I cant stay away from you. I cant leave you, your mine Sam you always have been and I cant, I won’t let that go.”

Sam closed his eyes and let out a breath before looking up at Dean for the first time he noticed how his eye seemed to blend in with the burn marks, drooping slightly at the side not enough to really notice but...Sam always noticed Dean.

Slowly, carefully Sam lifted his hand and trailed soft fingers down the rough marks and watched as Dean shivered at the touch and melted against his hand, his guard completely down. Once again guilt and shame swirled in Sam’s belly as he looked at his brother's face and regretted once again for leaving his brother.

“I’m sorry.”

Dean opened his eyes with a frown and looked at Sam with confusion “about what?”

Sam winced and his fingers hit a raw patch of skin “for this...I never should have left you. I tried to pull you out Dean you remember right? They wouldn't let me Dean--”

Dean reached up and took Sam’s face within calloused hands and gave Sam a firm look “I’m not gonna lie Sam for the past two years I wish I could have dragged you in that fire with me and burn you like you did me.” Dean stroked his fingers down Sam’s soft cheek and sighed “but then again why would I wanna harm such beautiful skin.”

Sam’s bottom lip quivered and he let out a cracked sob, his body shaking with tears as he fell in Dean’s arms, his hands coming up to hold tightly onto Dean’s shoulders as he cried hard in his shirt, asking, begging for forgiveness.

Dean wrapped one hand around his waist and the other in his hair as he shushed him with soothing words and soft kisses to his head, a satisfied smirk etching onto his lips.

“Its ok Sammy, every-things gonna be ok.”

Sam sniffed and buried his face in his brothers shoulder as rough hands smoothed down his back. He wasn't sure if he made the right call telling Dean what he found in his parents room and maybe it was a total mistake and would come back to haunt him.

Dean smiled down at him, his eyes gleaming with something bright and his lip twitching at the corner as he pressed a kiss to Sam’s cheek like he was soothing an infant.

Scratch that, it would come back to haunt him.[9]


	10. Not So Happy Holidays

It was Thanksgiving when everything went to hell.

Ever since that night with Dean things changed. Sam wouldn't really say they were “back together” but it felt like they were. Things weren't the same of course, Sam was still weary of Dean and didn't trust him as far as he could throw him but he couldn't deny he still loved the man.

He laid in bed as long as he could, stared up at the ceiling as his mother banged pots around, low curses floating up the steps and under his door and he decided to have pity on her.

His mother wasn't the best cook.

The first Thanksgiving Sam remembers clearly was when Mary had first met Mick, before then they usually just went out to eat on that day but when she met Mick Sam guessed her Mary homemaker side kicked in. They were invited over to Micks for Thanksgiving to join his family and Mary offered to cook the turkey.

Dangerous.

Mick had left her alone to go outside and call his family and check in for their arrival leaving Sam inside with a stressed Mary.

She had not stuffed the turkey the night before, like she does now, and had to rush to get it done in 4 hours before the family arrived. Instead of lathering it with butter (like she was supposed to do) she ended up putting Crisco on this bird. She then also forgot to take the insides out and put it in for to long.

So by the time this sucker came out of the oven it was literally burnt to a crisp, nothing was left and Mick ended up having to run to the store to buy a premade turkey.

His mother has learned a lot since then but more importantly. Sam knows how to cook.

So feeling sorry for his mom he ended up making the stuffing, the sweet potato casserole, and the pumpkin pie. All the key ingredients for a Thanksgiving while Mick did the turkey.

While his mother was busy pouring her third glass of wine Sam paused. He watched as Mick puttered about the house trying to get everything in order, watched as Mary sipped her wine and joked with her husband and Sam wondered what would Thanksgiving have been like in the Winchester household?

He was tempted to ask his mother that question because while he didn't experience it she did and so did Dean.

Were they close then? Did she cook? Did they cook at all?

“Sam?”

Sam looked up as his family entered the room and he put on a smile and stood to greet them and didn't see the green eyes peering through the window.

 

They were about halfway through dinner, Sam was starting to feel full, his family was joking and laughing together and sharing recipes and Sam was just about to get up and get the pie he made and pour some coffee when the doorbell rang.

Sam paused and tossed a look over at his mom who had tensed up in her seat and he frowned.

“Sam, sport will you get that?”

Sam nodded at his dad and glanced back at his mom before going into the hall and opening the door.

Swear to God time stood still.

Standing in front of him, wearing a shit eating grin was Dean Winchester. He was dressed in dark jeans and a nice plaid button up, his eyes were full of mirth and wickedness and his smile was big and toothy.

Sam gasped and reached out to shove Dean back as he stepped outside “what the fuck are you doing here? Have you lost your damn mind?”

“What is it Sammy? I just wanted to spend Thanksgiving with my boyfriend.”

Sam huffed and lifted his finger, ready to rip Dean a new one when his grandma shouted from inside “Samuel honey? Is everything ok?”

Sam gulped and turned back to the house “uh yeah! Be there in a minute,” he whipped around and gave Dean pleading eyes “ok you have to go, like now. If mom or dad catches you here your dead.”

Dean scoffed and looked over Sam’s shoulder “oh come on baby its the season for forgiveness and holiday cheer.”

Sam's eyes narrowed thinly “that's Christmas you asshole,” he said flatly.

Dean shrugged and waved his hand “same-thing. Either way, I’m going in.”

He reached out and gently shoved Sam to the side and stepped in as Sam raced after him but fell to short.

Dean grinned as he stepped in the dining-room “well hey everybody.”

A loud clank clattered against the table and his moms wine glass slipped off and crashed to the floor, the red wine staining the carpet. Sam could swear her eyes rolled in her head and Mick convulsed in his seat as they stared at Dean with wide eyes.

Dean stuffed his hands in his pockets “whats wrong Mr. And Mrs. D... You look like you've seen a ghost.”

Sam wanted to kill him as he smirked at his parents before throwing his arm around Sam “I thought I have nothing better to do and Sam did invite me to dinner, I wanted to meet the family.”

Ever the oblivious, his grandma smiled and leaned forward to shake Deans hand and sit him next to her before serving him a big plate, chatting him up politely.

Sam watched, in slow motion, as his family one by one started taking interest in Dean, asking him questions about him and Sam and watched as his mom and dad paled at each one.

His moms eyes slid up to his sharply, almost like a viper and he could swear she snarled “so Dean...Sam invited you did he? I wasn't aware you two were still seeing each other see last we heard you were...indisposed.”

Dean looked up slowly and leaned forward with deadly intent “oh I was a tad busy but I just missed Sammy so much so when he came home well, I couldn't resist rekindling our love you know how it is.”

His mom pursed her lips and rolled her eyes as his grandma spoke up “indisposed? Could you tell us what happened?”

Dean brightened “oh sure...I'm sure you've noticed this,” Dean pointed to his face “well it was all kind of a big scandal you see Sam and I were pretty hot and heavy two years ago I mean could not stay away from one another. I would have died for him still would. And I guess you could say his parents weren't so fond of me so one night I was--”

Mick stood up his chair scraping loudly “ok then! Who wants pie?”

Dean paused and looked at Mick with innocent eyes but a cold smile etched across his face “oh I do Mr. Davies I love a good slice of pie.”[10]


	11. Can't Stay Away

Once the family had left and Sam had managed to temporarily get rid of Dean he was ambushed by his pissed off parents.

He had just shut the door after shooing his cousins out when a hand was pressed against it and he turned to find his mom and dad staring at him with raging eyes.

“Ok I know your mad but--”

“Mad? Sam we skipped past that and headed straight to pissed off. What the hell was that? Were you gonna tell us he was alive? How long have you even known?”

Sam bit his lip nervously and looked down at his feet “since I got home.”

Mary’s jaw dropped and she stared at Sam like he had grown two heads “Sam that's almost two weeks what the hell are you doing keeping that kind of secret? This man is dangerous Sam he’s a killer! We need to call the cops.”

Mick nodded in agreement and Mary turned to find her phone when Sam’s arm shot out and gripped her wrist desperately “no mom please don't do that.”

Mary looked down at Sam’s hand before looking up at him with disbelief on her face “are you kidding me? Sam, honey this man hurt you, he took advantage of you I know your confused and whatever he has done we can fix it--”

Sam scoffed and dropped her arm before stepping back and letting out a laugh “that's always your answer isn't it? God mom he’s not just some man he’s your son!”

Mary winced at the thought and shook her head “no Sam he’s not you are.” His moms face was dour her lips twisted down in a frown and her dark eyes were full of disappointment and spite.

He could see her hands twitch by her side and wondered if she was itching for the gun under her mattress.

He wondered if his dad knew about it?

Sam lifted his eyes back to his mom and dropped his brows in a glower and hunched his shoulders “you think I’m proud of myself? For two years my nightmares have consisted of nothing but Dean and for two years I’ve seen him everywhere and now I don't know if it was real or not. There’s no way I can make you understand when I don't understand myself. I’m sorry I lied to you I feel horrible and a part of me wishes I could let you call the cops and get rid of Dean but I cant because...because he’s my brother and he’s your son and someone has to respect that.”

Mary blinked in shock and glanced over at Mick who was staring at the ground “honey were gonna get you some help ok? Tomorrow I’ll call Dr. Novak tell him its an emergency and will get this settled and will do something about Dean. He’s dark Sam don't let him take you to.”

Sam closed his eyes as his mom pleaded with him and guilt swirled inside his belly like butterflies. He could take her advice, go see the Doctor tell him that he’s nothing but a liar, that he’s sick and needs help or.

“And if I choose the darkness instead?”

The look on his moms face told Sam she hadn't been expecting an answer like that. It was kind of comical really. Her jaw was dropped and pulled back like one of those soap opera betrayal looks you see on daytime TV. Her eyes were still blinking like she was trying to process what just came out of her sons mouth.

Sam sighed and swept his keys up and shut the door behind him as he hopped in his car.

Sam watched his house vanish in his rear view mirror and shook his head tiredly as he headed for Dean’s apartment.

That was the night when Sam understood why people fear silence.

 

When Sam got to Dean’s he was waiting at the door like he had been expecting Sam to show up any minute and looked cocky as he glanced down at his watch like he was right on time.

He took Sam by the hand and pulled him inside “want a drink?”

Sam watched as Dean made his way to the fridge and pulled out a beer “I got in a fight with my parents but then again...I’m sure you knew that would happen right?”

Dean smirked and winked at Sam as he chugged his beer back.

“What the hell were you hoping to accomplish tonight?”

Dean smacked his lips as he sat the bottle down before looking at Sam with predator like eyes and slauntering over, his hands pulling Sam to him tightly, his fingers digging in his hips “exactly this.”

 

Dean dug his fingers into Sam’s bony hips and tugged him in, brushing the burned part o his face against Sam’s smooth cheek making him shiver at the roughness as hot breath hit his ear making him weak in the knees. 

Dean tangled his fingers in Sam’s hair and yanked hard making his head jerk back and mouthed up his neck with wet lips making Sam moan at the feeling. He should stop this, shouldn't fall into it like he last time so hot and heavy but God.

He forgot how good Deans touch was.

He found himself stepping back with Dean as he was led to the bed in the center of the room, falling back with wide eyes that stared up at Dean in silence and trepidation. He trembled as calloused, thick fingers trailed down Sam’s thighs taking his pants and boxers with him.

By the time he was lying naked in front of Dean he was painfully hard and painfully nervous. He watched as Dean pulled his own shirt over his head before crawling over Sam like a lion after its prey. 

Their eyes locked and Sam let out a shaky breath as he brought his hands up and ticked his fingertips down Dean’s broad shoulders watching as his brother closed his eyes and purred at the feeling.

“Dean.”

Dean smiled down at him and reached over to grab a bottle of lotion and pumped some on his hand and slid his wet fingers across Sam’s hole making him arch up with a gasp.

Dean had been the last person, the only person he had ever been with. Sam let out a deep breath as a finger pushed into his hole he winced at the intrusion but calmed as Dean leaned down and pressed his lips to Sam’s cheek and kissed it wetly making Sam sigh.

By the time three fingers were working their way into Sam he was sweating and withering on the bed like he had been shocked. Dean didn't look any better. He was panting like a dog, his chest gleaming with sweat and his hair was mussed from Sam’s fingers.

“God Dean please I cant...I cant take it anymore.”

In any other circumstance Dean would tease him till he was on the brink of tears but right now Dean looked at desperate as he did. He didn't bother putting a condom on and before Sam could question it Dean was pushing inside making his jaw drop and a wrecked moan left his abused mouth.

Sam closed his eyes and moaned as Dean thrusted wildly inside him,not bothering to take his time and Sam couldn't find it in himself to really care as their skin slapped together and Dean growled in his ear.

Dean pushed Sam’s thigh up and slammed their mouths together, spit trailing down Sam's chin as Dean thrusted his tongue inside and tangled their together sloppily and Sam had never felt so dirty.

Dena pushed one of Sam’s hands above his head and the other held onto his thigh as he moved his wet lips down from Sam's to his neck and bared his sharp teeth against the skin making Sam shiver in anticipation.

“Pl--please Dean.”

He could feel Dean smirk against his neck and wanted to slap him for being so cocky but at this moment with Sam crying out his brothers name he guessed he had a reason to be.

Dean’s hot breath kept puffing against his ear as he growled lowly in his throat “come on Sammy, come for me baby just on my cock you...you can.”

Sam bit his lip and turned his head and gripped the sheets tightly turning the knuckles white as he felt his belly swirl with pleasure before a white hot fire shot over him, his vision blacking out as he came wetly against Deans belly before falling limp.

Dean groaned at the sight and pumped harder, his hips stuttering as he came deep inside Sam with a loud moan before collapsing on Sam’s toned chest.

Sam let out winded breaths and closed his eyes tiredly and ran his fingers down Dean’s back “I love you Dean.”

Dean rumbled in his throat and nuzzled his scruffy face against Sam’s neck and gently bit down on the skin “I love you to Sammy...always.”


	12. Visits

Sam didn't leave the next day.

When he woke up the next morning he felt warm, sated and safe. His back was warm from the sunlight boring down on his bare skin and he could feel something hard pressing into him from behind.

And then he remembered where he was.

He probably should have felt guilty, or shocked, even ashamed but he didn't. He rolled over on his side and faced Dean and felt nothing but relief. Dean was still asleep, his mouth half open and a sliver of drool lining his pink lips making Sam smile at the sight. His eyes were fluttering making Sam wonder what he was dreaming about.

Or maybe he didn't want to know. Maybe it was safer that he didn't.

Sam drew his fingers back as they hovered over Dean’s face as he stirred making Sam jump at the movement. He watched as his brother groaned and pressed his face in his pillow before blinking his groggy eyes open.

When they focused on Sam they cleared instantly and he cleared his throat “I didn't think you would stay. I thought I would wake up and you would be gone, like last night never happened.”

Sam frowned at his brothers low raspy confession and for the first time, since his met Dean, he saw inside his brother. He saw what he really was.

Vulnerable.

To any other person the look in Dean’s eyes could be passed on for blankness but Sam saw uncertainty.

His brother didn't think he would stay, he expected to wake up and not find Sam next to him like the night before was nothing but a dream. A dream Sam had many times but never expected to be real.

But now that it was, now that they had crossed that line he couldn't go back.

Sanity be damned.

Sam bit his lip and leaned up on his elbow with a sigh “to be honest I probably should have left I mean our relationship has never been a healthy one and in the end I might end up broken hearted again. So to save myself I should leave and never look back... But I wont.”

Deans eyes flicked up to Sam's and watched with hope and weariness “you wont?”

Sam pushed himself closer and threw his arm around Dean’s neck and pressed their bare chests together “no because I know I cant run anymore, I'm to tired and frankly I'm not sure I want to. I love you Dean even if I shouldn't.”

Dean grinned widely, his teeth gleaming in the sunlight as he rolled over on top of Sam and pinned his hands down above him, his fingers tightening around his wrists as he wiggled against his brother.

Plush lips hovered above his own and he arched up into the touch as Dean laved his tongue over his wet lips making Sam groan with need, his eyes closing as a wave of bliss passed over him.

Dean smirked and mouthed his way to Sam’s ear and blew “your mine Sammy...and this time I wont let anyone take you away.”

 

Sam isn't sure how but he ends up at Dr. Novak’s office a couple days later. He thinks his mom has something to do with it.

All he knows is he had woken up at Dean’s, where he had been staying since their first night together, and he woke up in a good mood that was ruined when he got a call from the receptionist telling him he had an appointment at 11:30 and she was calling to remind him.

So now he was sitting on the ugly couch once again in a Mexican standoff with his doctor who was looking at him like he could see straight through him with his beady eyes.

Sam sighed. He guessed his mom told him about Dean being back. Sam couldn't wait to see what shit he spouted out today.

“So, Sam. Your mom tells me that your uh...your brother is back.”

Sam snorts. Bingo.

“He is.”

“So he’s not dead?”

“Doesn't look that way does it?”

Dr. Novak’s brows furrow and he taps his pencil against the notepad on his knee “you know I get the strangest feeling you knew this. Because you don't seem to surprised.”

Sam turns his head to look out the window that overlooks the city and watches all the people walk by and he wishes he was one of them.

“Maybe I did.”

“Sam I told you once I cant help you if you don't want it but I'm thinking deep down maybe you do. So you have to help me here.”

Sam sucks his cheeks in and sighs as he tilts his head back and looks at the doctor with firm eyes “I’m falling in love with him. Which isn't a shock or a revelation because I’ve loved him since the day I met him but somehow this time its different. He’s different. And I’m scared. Not just because love is a scary thing but because I know now that he could ruin me. He could rip me apart and shatter me into a thousand pieces like I'm nothing more than a toy and the worst part is, the scary part is I would let him. I would let him because i love him. He’s like a drug you know? An addiction, a drink that I need to have constantly.”

His doctor bites his lip and blinks his eyes numerous times before clearing his throat “and do you think this is a bad decisions? Sam do you drink to get rid of the pain?”

Sam laughs. Of course he doesn't, Sam can count on one hand how many times he as drank in his life.

“Doc, not to brag or anything but I don't need alcohol to make bad decisions.”

“So you admit, Dean is a bad decision.”

Sam frowns and looks down at his hands and gulps as the clock on the wall grows louder with each tick “I don't know yet. All I know is I’m with him, for better or for worse isn't that how its suppose to be?”

“It might be worse.”

“I knew that the day I met him.”

 

Sam walked out of the doctors office groggy and weary. He had spent a wonderful week with Dean filled with no worries and now he felt confused and back at square one and not sure what to expect.

What he hadn't expected was for his phone to ring, nor for Jessica to be calling him.

“Hello?”

“Sam! You were supposed to call us when you got home. Where have you been?”

Sam winced as he walked to his car and stepped to the side as a kid on a skateboard zoomed past him “I’ve been...busy. Whats up?”

Jess made a sound on the other end that told Sam this conversation wasn't over but kept going “your never going to believe it...Jake and I are in your driveway!”

Sam’s eyes widened and he banged his head on his seat cushion.

She was right.

He couldn't believe it.”


	13. Intervention

In any other circumstance Sam would have been over the moon to see his friends, his lifeline, his family. 

But right now?

Sam felt like he was stuck in a nightmare.

He was stressing out as he pulled in the driveway and true to their word Jess’s maroon Subaru was parked in his usual spot and empty.

He was sweating profusely as he got out of the car and shakily shut the door. He knew his friends would have questions, no doubt his parents had to of told them something in the 15 minutes it took him to drive here. They knew about Dean, they knew he was an ex and they knew he was supposed to be dead.

But now having to tell them he was alive?

He wasn't sure how he was gonna do that.

And Dean. Dean was at home waiting on him.

When Sam walked inside his home he felt weird. He hadn't been here in a week and the last time he had been he and his parents hadn't ended on such good terms. When he got to the living room Jess was sitting on the couch with his mom their knees turned toward one another. And his father was standing next to the fireplace next to Jake who was sitting in the reclining chair.

They all turned to look at him silently.

He felt so reassured.

“Whats going on?”

His mom and Jess shared a look and waved him over to sit down. When he was seated, somewhat stiffly, his mom took a breath “I called them here. And I've filled them in on whats been going on.”

Sam blinked and turned to look at Jess completely clueless. 

Jess tried to reach for his hand but he jerked it back, he wanted to feel bad as her face dropped but he couldn't. He didn't even get the chance to tell her what was going on, she didn't get to hear his side just his mothers. He recognized the look of pity on her face and he knew she was siding with his mom.

It wouldn't matter what Sam said.

“This is bullshit.”

“Sam, honey were just trying to help you, we love you--”

Sam scoffed and stood up “do you want a tissue mom? You have a little bullshit on your lip.”

Mary’s jaw dropped in shock at her sons words and she turned to look at Mick who was in the same boat as his wife. “Sam you wont talk to your mother like that everyone here is supporting you.”

“Are you? I don't feel very supported right now! Your ambushing me, you've got me backed into a freaking corner. You've shoved me into therapy i didn't want and threatened me what am I supposed to do?”

“Sam, Dean is dangerous you know that. He’s no good for you, he tried to kill you Sam he raped you--”

Sam screamed in frustration and pulled at his hair before looking at his parents with wide eyes “for the last time he didn't rape me I wanted it! I wanted him to fuck me happy? I begged him for it, I bent over for him and--”

Sam’s words were cut off as a sharp hand connected with his cheek making his head whip to the side as a flash of hot swelled up the side of his face. He could hear gasps fill up in the room and his fathers raised voice as his hearing faded in and out. He squeezed his eyes shut and reached his hand up to his burning cheek as he turned to look at his mother with wide, astonished eyes.  
Mary looked down at her hand like it had burned her and back up at her son who was looking more betrayed by the second. She had never laid a hand on her son, even when he was little she never hit him. 

And now her hand print was appearing across his face and his bottom lip was swelling where her nail sliced the skin open and she felt sick.

Sam dropped his hand and his face fell into a blank expression but she could see the anger and hurt in his eyes. She could see the tears start to fill in those hazel eyes and Sam sniffed quickly.

“I hate you.”

The words hit her like a train, making her stumbled back at the weight that slammed across her chest. She wanted to tell herself he didn't mean it, he was just upset. But she could see it in his eyes, he meant every word he said.

Sam cracked his neck and shook his head before shooting a betrayed look to his father who had stood there and done nothing and shoved Jess’s hand away from him before he got up, got his keys and left his house.

And he wasn't sure he would be returning.

 

When he got to Dean’s his brother was sitting on the couch, his elbows leaning on his bowed knees and a beer in front of him.   
He didn't look up as Sam shut the door and crept in but Sam felt the air shift.

“Where have you been? You should have been home over an hour ago.”

Sam gulped and looked down at his feet “I know I just...Jess called when I got out of the doctors and she told me her and Jake were at my house. They ambushed me Dean, all of them.”

Dean looked up then his eyes full of fury that filled with surprise when they locked on Sam’s face. 

Dean shot up and strode over quickly and took Sam’s face in his hands “what the fuck happened to you?”

Sam’s bottom lip quivered and he tried to duck his head but failed as Dean’s grip tightened “mom she... She hit me.”

He watched nervously as Dean’s eyes twitched and his jaw tensed up as he rolled his neck to the side, closing his eyes in anger. He wanted to take a step back away from his brother knowing how bad his temper was but with Deans hold on him he couldn't move.

He reached his hand up to stroke Dean’s scruffy cheek making his green eyes snap open and zero in on Sam’s cheek “I’ll kill her.”

Sam frowned “haven't we been over this?”

“She hit you Sam! She hurt you!”

“So did you!”

Dean paused and snapped his mouth shut as he looked down at Sam who sighed and stepped back away from Dean “so did you Dean. You gonna hurt yourself to? You aren't exactly innocent in this and she is my mother...I took it to far with her.”

“What do you mean?”

Sam blushed and averted his gaze “she mentioned something about you raping me--”

Sam paused at Deans growl and shivered “and I told her I wanted it. That I begged you for it, that I still do.”

Dean pursed his lips as he tried to hide the smirk that appeared on his face “well its not like you were lyin.”

Sam groaned and shook his head “Dean come on,” Dean laughed and reached out to run his finger down Sam’s bruised cheek “its ok Sammy...we both know you want me and I want you...if she touches you again Sam I cant be held responsible for my actions, I will kill her.”

Sam gulped. He knew his brother was telling the truth, knew he was itching to get his hands on their mother and besides his words if the wicked glint in his eye was anything to go by Sam knew they were in trouble.


	14. In My Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long!

The next time Sam was sitting in Dr. Novak’s office he did so willingly.

It had been a couple days since his last visit, since his parents ambush, since his friends betrayed him and he was feeling confused. Sam was still young and his body could only handle so many emotions at once before he snapped.

He needed to talk to someone and that someone wasn't Dean.

He wouldn't understand, he would make fun of Sam, would threaten his friends and he couldn't listen to that not right now.

The Doctor looked surprised to see Sam again which told him he knew about his little intervention.

“Did you tell them to do it?”

Novak sighed and looked down at his notepad. His notepad about Sam, pages that were filled about Sam and his life, how screwed up he was. Information Sam didn't mean to give, things the Doctor speculated for himself.

“No. I mentioned to your mother that I thought you felt unimportant. That what you wanted didn't matter and I guess she took what she wanted from that and ran with it.”

Sam scoffed “she trapped me. She got my friends there and she twisted everything. She made mine and Dean’s relationship seem like it came out of some pedophile porno. And it didn't.”

“Ok then...why don't you tell me about your relationship.”

Sam blinked. During their visits more often than not the doctor spent his time just listening, sometimes just sitting when Sam wouldn't talk, or even putting Dean down. He had never asked for his side.

“Well...I mean he’s my big brother and I know that sounds wrong and it is but I didn't know at the beginning I mean he...”

“He lied to you, he manipulated you.”

“No, I mean yes I--” Sam huffed in frustration “your supposed to let me talk.”

Dr. Novak’s brows shot up but he waved his hand for Sam to keep going.

“I didn't know when we first met, I didn't know till months into it and when I found out I was pissed, I felt sick and yes I felt used and manipulated. But then I realized it wasn't his fault it was our moms. She kept him from me all because she was scared of him but I want I’m still not. Sure sometimes he freaks me out and he says things, horrible things that I know he could do but not to me. Our relationship is wrong on so many levels but to me its not. Its complicated, sexual, romantic, and frightening all in one. There are some days I look at him and I wonder how I got here. What cruel joke God must be playing with me to make me love my brother and I hate myself. But then there's days where I can’t believe he chose me. That after all that time apart me found me, he never gave up on me. No one has ever loved me like that.”

He watched as the doctor blinked helplessly and clear his throat, he did that a lot. Sam knew he wasn't sure what to say to Sam’s confession but he did ask. Sam knew he was complicated and angsty but when he got the words out they didn't stop.

“Sam it seems like you and your brother are very dependent on one another. Do you think that's healthy?”

Sam frowned and turned his head to look out the window “you know I remember those days when I would just sit at lunch with my friends and the only thought on my mind was I wonder what I made on that English test? Those days were easy, I had my friends, I had school and soccer and nothing else and it was fine. But honestly I was going through the motions. My life was the same everyday. Until Dean. He showed up in that restaurant and I guess now he had been watching me. And he saved me. And after that I longed to be with him everyday. Have you ever felt a love like that Dr. Novak?”

The Doctor stumbled with his words as Sam’s eyes bore into him making him squirm in his seat at the intense gaze of the young man. “No Sam I can’t say I have.”

Sam let out a soft laugh “yeah well then until you have I don't think you can judge me do you?”

Novak looked startled at Sam’s harsh tone and lifted his pen to jot down his confession when Sam stood up and yanked his pen out of his hand and lifted it up to his eyes to inspect it.

He watched as Sam’s pupils dilated as he flipped the pen over before looking down at him “whats so special about this pen? I’ve never seen you use anything other than this one... Did someone special give it to you? Does it hold all the answers for you? Does it tell you how messed up I am?”

Castiel cleared his throat again, a nervous habit, and shifted in his leather chair “Samuel I think--”

Sam scoffed and dropped the pen in his lap “to be honest Doctor I don’t really need to hear what you think. After all I’m here for me not you. But to be honest Doctor I don’t really think your doing anything for me.”

Sam pursed his lips and picked up his bag and began to walk to the door making Castiel shoot up from his seat “Sam our sessions not over yet.”

Sam paused and slowly turned to look over his shoulder and narrowed his eyes “actually Doctor it is.”

 

When Sam got back to the apartment Dean was pouring himself a cup of coffee and turned to look at him with tired eyes. 

“Where you been?”

Sam made a face and gnawed at his lip as he stepped closer and avoided his brothers gaze “I was at my session...”

Dean frowned “but its Friday...your sessions are Tuesday’s.”

Sam let out a shaky breath and looked up at his brother “I called him.”

Dean scoffed and snarled his nose up, his grip tightening on his cup causing a crack to run up the middle making the coffee spill over “you called him...what the fuck for?”

“I needed to talk Dean...I needed to tell someone how I feel, I wanted him to understand how I feel about you. He dosen’t get it Dean none of them do and I thought maybe I could make him see but I cant they don't get it. How can I make them get it?”

Dean cocked his head at his brothers desperate tone and something cheered inside him as an idea popped into his head and a sly smile slid on his lips. 

He moved forward and lifted him arm to trail his finger down his brothers smooth skin and watched as his eyes slipped closed at the touch, a shiver running down his spine making Dean smirk.

After all this time and Sam still couldn't resist his touch.

And pressed his lips to Sam’s ear and puffed out a breath making Sam gasp “its ok Sammy they don’t get it, they don’t understand how much I love you, how much you love me and you do don’t you little brother? You love me?”

Sam nodded. He pressed himself into his brother, arching his back into the touch “I do Dean I love you, you know I do.”

Dean cooed as he ran his fingers through Sam’s hair “I know baby, big brother knows. Their not important Sam, their in the way, they don’t understand you, they never will I’m the only one who truly loves you... You know that right?”

Sam sniffed and pressed his nose to his brothers neck as he squeezed his eyes closed. He gripped Dean’s shirt in his hands and pushed himself closer to his brother and nodded his head against his skin.

Dean grinned wickedly as he wrapped his arms around his baby brother and pressed a wet kiss to his damp cheeks “its ok Sammy...I’ll make it better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any ideas where this is going?


	15. Enough

Dean watched in the shadows, carefully hidden by the cover of night as Mary walked Sam’s friends outside to their car.

A low growl welled up in his throat and his nose snarled as Mary hugged Jess and Jake and thanked them for coming to help her deal with Sam.

Deal with Sam like he was a fucking problem.

His body lurched forward in anger and he had to will himself back, his jaw tense as he gripped his knife. He had promised Sam he did, he told him he would kill their mother but he couldn't help but have the urge to.

Calling other in for an intervention like Sam was a fucking addict, like he had problems she couldn't deal with.

They wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for her.

Dean scoffed as she waved and walked to her own car and leaned in like she was looking for something giving Dean time to cross the street and bow down in the bushes near the driveway.

Dean held his bag close as Mary shut the door and looked around the area with narrowed eyes before shaking her head and going inside, shutting the lights off.

Dean smirked and came out from his hiding place and reached in his bag for the spray paint, walked to the front door and began to write.

He made sure the words whore, bitch, and cunt were written loud and clear before he moved on to a more threatening message.

COME NEAR SAM AGAIN AND I’LL RIP YOU APART

He thought that said it good enough.

He then twirled his knife in his calloused fingers before ripping a hole in the tires of both cars in the driveway, making sure to take care scratching Mary’s down the side. Hell while he was at it might as well bust a few windows.

The mailbox looked a little to comfortable as well.

When he was finished he admired his handiwork with a proud smile and one last glare to the house before going home to Sam who was still sound asleep in their bed. He climbed in behind him, red paint still sticking to his fingers and smoothed his hands down Sam’s ribs savoring the shiver he gave and the way the paint rubbed off on his sides.

 

The next morning Mary woke with a lazy smile on her face, planted a kiss on her husbands cheek and made her way downstairs to start the coffee. She was fluffing her hair when she noticed something dark on the window blocking the light.

She frowned and walked outside a shocked gasp leaving her as she took in her house.

 

Big, bold, red letters were written on the windows and door. Threats and promises and nasty words she would never utter herself. She turned around and took in her destroyed yard and broken mailbox.

Her car was totaled, the windows smashed, front hood dented in and tires slashed. 

She could feel herself growing angry at the sight. She knew exactly who did this.

“Mick!”

 

Sam groaned as he jumped at the sound of his phone ringing and rolled over in Dean’s arms who was still knocked out.

“Hello?”

“Samuel!”

Sam jolted at the rough sound of his moms voice and looked down to make sure Dean was still asleep “what the hell mom? Its 7 in the morning.”

His mom growled on the other end and Sam had to admit, it terrified him. 

“You think I care right now? After the hell I’ve been through this morning!”

Sam frowned and sat up, Dean’s arm slipping off him “what do you mean?”

His mom chuckled, the sound dark and ominous making his body quake and his ear redden “I mean that fucking rapist your sleeping next to right now. He destroyed our yard Sam, he wrote vile things on our house, he totaled my car and slashed your dads tires! And let me tell you, you think I’m angry you don't even want to see your father right now.”

Sam looked down at Dean with hard eyes and scanned his eyes over his body and paused at his fingers.

He cocked his head and grabbed Dean’s and and lifted it to his eyes and inspected the red paint there and then looked down at himself.

He and the bed were both covered in it.

Sam gasped and closed his eyes and dropped Dean’s hand hard on the bed “how...how do you know it was him?”

His mom scoffed “don't insult me Sam you know how. The things he wrote on this house you can be fucking blind and know it was him.”

Sam bit his lip at his moms harsh words and moved further on the bed “I don't know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to explain what the hell is going on? How could you let him do such a thing? We live here Sam this is our home, your home and you let him violate it like he did you.”

Sam’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened at her sentence. Violate... Sam laughed out loud causing Dean to jolt and look up sleepily.

“Violate? God mom I was never violated! I don't control Dean, I have no power over him.”

“Your right he just has power over you. You let him control you Sam, and its sick. He has hurt you, he has used you, he doesn't really love you Sam.”

Sam scoffed and sniffed at the hurtful words and wiped angrily at his cheek as tears slipped down his face. How could his mother be so cruel?

Dean sat up behind him and Ana his hand down Sam’s spine and pressed his chest to his back.

“Fuck you mom.”

His mom gasped sharply on the other end “excuse me young man?”

Sam peeked over his shoulder at Dean who looked at him with encouraging eyes but a smirk on his face.

“I said fuck you! You don't know how I feel and you don't care, you never did. The only thing you care about is me being perfect! Perfect grades, perfect background well guess what I’m not perfect and neither are you! Your nothing but a hypocrite! How can you talk about your sons this way? Have you ever cared at all?”

“Of course Sam I love you.”

Sam laughed but it wasn't in amusement, it was cold and the sound made Dean close his eyes and grin at the wonderful sound.

“What about Dean?”

“Sam your brother is a monster and I’m sorry but I cannot condone it.”

“Well condone this mother. Fuck you and I’m done.”

With that he powered his phone off and hurled it across the room before spinning in his brothers arms and slamming their lips together that was more teeth than anything, a small hint of blood mixing with the kiss. But Dean just lapped it up.

Sam shoved Dean back on the bed harshly and crawled forward till he was straddling his big brother he tilted his chest out and stretched before leaning down and hovering his lips above his brothers.

Deans breath hit his wet lips and he surged up till their lips crashed together and their tongues tangled wetly, spit falling down the curve of Sam’s lip and dripping off his chin but he couldn't find it in himself to be disgusted.

Dean’s calloused hands glided down his back making him tremble against the touch and he moved up and knocked Dean’s hand away that was going towards his ass.

He didn't need any prep, he was sure he was still open.

He grabbed the lotion from the nightstand and slicked Dean up in his hand grinning as his brother bucked up and groaned.

He reached back and without warning slid himself down on his brothers dick.

Dean groaned his fingers digging in his brothers hips, surely leaving bruises. Sam arched his back as he moved slowly, his hips grinding against his brothers, his head rolling in pleasure.

His back curved as he tried to roll into the pleasure, his hips rising on his brothers dick, picking up speed as it curved and hit his prostate.

Sam bit his lip, his hands resting on Dean chest “oh God....please De--”

Dean growled feral like and flipped them in a sudden move making Sam gasp at the new angle. Dean bent down and pressed hot kisses against his neck, his scruff rubbing against Sam's cheek making him whine against the beard burn.

Dean licked a hot stripe up his neck and bit down hard on the groove of his shoulder and smirked as Sam cried out in both pain and pleasure and arched up into Dean’s wandering hands.

Sam dug his nails in Dean’s back and scratched down harshly drawling little blood in the scratches and Dean groaned at the feeling. His other hand tangled up in the sheets he was gripping in his nimble fingers as his body was lifted higher.

He whimpered as something swirled in his belly and he knew he was close.

He reached up and pressed their lips together sharing breaths “Dean I’m...oh God.”

Dean smirked wickedly and reached down to push Sam’s thigh up “you close Sammy? Come for me baby, come for big brother.”

And that was it. Sam’s mouth dropped open, his eyes closed tightly and he cried out his brothers name as he shot on his chest before flopping down limply, sated and worn out.

Dean thrusted 3 more times before his hips stuttered and he came wetly inside his brother and plopped on top of him, nuzzling his neck and kissing and licking at the bite mark forming on his neck.

“I love you Sammy.”

Sam stoked Dean’s sweaty back and pressed their foreheads together “I love you De.”

And he did. Dean was the only one who understood him, who really loved him.

His mother didn't know a damn thing.


	16. Wicked Thought

Sam didn't want to say he was losing his mind but...he was losing his mind.

Being away from his mother, from his gilded cage and safety net he felt free. For the first time in his whole life he realized how trapped he had been. With Mary he had been suffocating, chocking trying to grasp air but with Dean he could breathe. Everything was clear and bright, he didn't have to struggle against any bonds.

He couldn't help but wonder if there would be a point when Mary would snap. Flashes of her gun hiding under her mattress popped in Sam’s head as he sat on the unmade bed waiting for Dean to get out of the shower.

He flinched at the thought of their mother storming in late at night, hovering above their bed her eyes blazing as she pointed the gun at Dean’s head and fired.

He jumped off the bed and ripped his clothes as he went. The bathroom was foggy and hot with condensation, the mirror blocking his reflection as he slid the curtain back and climbed in behind Dean who had ducked his head under the faucet.

Dean turned his head sharply as soft hands slid past his hips and held his waist, Sam’s dimpled cheek resting on his shoulders as he tried to bury himself in Dean’s skin. The very thought of actually losing Dean set him on edge.

Dean must have noticed because he turned in Sam’s hold and tilted his chin up so their eyes met.

Sam leaned back and blinked water from his eyes as he looked up at his brothers face. The skin from the burn was red hot from the water. It looked soggy and white like a scab did when it got wet and Sam wondered if he could peel it off.

He cocked his head and lifted his hand to his brothers cheek and gently stroked the skin and gasped at the spongy feel of the burn. Dean leaned into the touch and rubbed his cheek along Sam’s hand making his skin go numb as the scar rubbed against him.

He slowly lowered his hand down his brothers neck and leaned up to bury his nose in the juncture and inhaled “don’t ever leave me...ok?”

Dean frowned and folded his arms around his brothers shoulders and held him tight and leaned his shin on Sam’s wet hair “promise.”

 

Sam wasn't sure what it was but something didn't feel right. 

He couldn't explain the feeling, wasn't even really sure what it was he was feeling. His stomach was in knots and every-time he looked at Dean he felt the urge to shield him, to cover him from the world.

He was getting clingy and needy, never wanting Dean to be far from his sight and he knew his brother was worried, if a little annoyed.

Actually maybe he wasn't annoyed, satisfied is the word Sam would use.

every-time Sam would fold himself in Dean’s lap or nuzzle his neck, even stroke his burn his brother would lean into it like a cat, like he was starved for Sam’s touch and maybe he was just like Sam as for Dean.

Sam leaned back on the couch and rested his head in his brothers lap and gently trailed his fingers along the trenches in his brothers hands. They were calloused and hard, a white scar running down the middle. Sam lifted his brothers hand and pressed a kiss to it before looking up into those bright emerald eyes, those eyes that were looking at him with something so soft it made him want to cry.

“Your hands are scarred from murder and torture and even though I shouldn't I trust them completely. I know your job is to protect me Dean but its mine to and I promise I wont let anything happen to you.”

Dean’s eyes both softened at the revelation and narrowed in confusion as he bent his head down and pressed a kiss to Sam’s eyebrow “no ones gonna hurt me Sammy, no one can.”

He wanted to tell him that was a lie. That just because Dean thought he was invincible didn't mean he was. That just because ordinary people couldn't touch him didn't mean their mother couldn't.

Instead he sat up till his butt rubbed against Dean’s crotch, his eyes gleaming as Dean’s head titled back at the movement and brushed his lips along his brothers freckled neck “you’d kill for me Dean...but I’d kill for you to.”

His brother growled and grabbed Sam by the thighs and jerked him up and carried him off to the bedroom where his worries faded away and the only thing he could think of was his brothers touches and the beard burn between his thighs.

 

He woke up to a loud buzzing sound.

The room was still dark and rain was pelting off the windows as he moved to sit up, careful of his brothers arm. Sam rolled his eyes. Dean could sleep through anything.

The clock said 2:30 and his phone said dad.

Sam frowned as he looked down at the flashing ID. His father had to be in bed, hell he couldn't say up past 10.

He looked down at Dean who had now rolled and buried his face in Sam's pillow, drool rolling out and smearing across his cheek making Sam wince.

He threw the covers back and grabbed his phone and walked in the hall.

“Hello? Dad?”

“Sam?”

Sam stood up straighter “dad are you ok?”

He had never heard his dads voice sound like that. It was rough and low like he was whispering on purpose.

“No I’m not and I don't think you are either.”

“What do you mean?”

He heard something shut in the background and soft footsteps “I mean your mothers losing her mind son. Shes locked herself in our bedroom and has only come out for food, she wont even let me inside.”

Sam hated to admit it but flashes of the gun popped right back in his head.

“Dad...did you know mom has a gun under her mattress?”

His dad sucked in a breath and it was quite for a few minutes...”your serious?”

“Deadly.”

“Sam I want you to be careful.”

Sam looked over his shoulder at Dean and resolve hit him “Dad I want you to know that if she comes here and she tries to hurt Dean I wont let her...I’ll do what I have to do. But I wont let her hurt my brother.”

His dad let out a low curse as something slammed “shes losing her mind Sam I can hear her pacing up there I think...I think she might be planning something. Listen she never told me about her past much less about your father but after meeting your brother she doesn't have to. I think your mom might be more like your brother than shes let on.”

Sam pushed himself back in his room and walked over to the window and looked out into the gloomy night “be careful dad... I love you.”

“I love you to son.”

Sam ended the call and for the first time since this all started his mind was clear, there was nothing holding him back.

And as he crawled in bed with Dean and curled himself in his brothers warm arms, his head burrowed on his chest he pressed a kiss there.

If it came down to it he would do what he had to.


	17. Taking Turns

A couple days went by and nothing happened and Sam was beginning to wonder if anything would. He hadn't heard from his dad since his late night phone call, warning him about his mother and it both worried and appeased him. 

Dean didn't seem to have a care in the world not that his attitude was out of the ordinary, Dean rarely cared about anything that didn't concern Sam.

Sam hadn't been back to see Dr. Novak and he wasn't sure if he would. Their last visit he got the vibe that the good Doctor might be a little frightened by him.

Not that Sam could blame him.

It had been a good couple of days between him and Dean. There was no worries, no tenseness, no looking over the shoulder. In fact they hadn't done much aside from sit around, cuddle, and have sex.

And Sam wasn't expecting anything more till he got out of the shower and Dean walked up to him, his eyes roaming slowly and told him they were going out tonight.

Out.

Sam hadn't been ‘out since he saw Dean at the concert and had a freaking panic attack.

“Out where?”

Dean smirked over his shoulder and passed Sam a pair of jeans and button up and told him to get dressed.

Sam would be going back to school soon. They hadn't really talked about it, actually it was more like they were avoiding talking about it.

Sam had no doubt that he and Dean would stay together it was more of...would he be going back?

Sam knew Dean wouldn't willingly let him go anywhere that Dean couldn't keep an eye on him and he had mentioned California wasn't really his style.

Dean was more of a small town kind of guy. Even though Austin was anything but.

And Sam knew he wasn't really wanting to stay here much longer either. When they had first gotten together Dean said Austin was temporary. So where he went to next Sam wasn't sure.

But he didn't want to think about that as Dean pulled up to a BBQ joint and pulled Sam inside, their fingers laced together and sat down ordering them both sweet tea.

Dinner had been nice and pleasant, Sam wasn't sure if he had Dean had ever really been on a proper date before. 

Not if sneaking into wildlife centers count.

After they ate Dean ordered them an apple pie to share, which he mostly ate himself while Sam just snuck bites of the vanilla ice cream and snorted as Dean practically inhaled the pie.

And after he drove them to the movies and told Sam to pick, even though he ended up picking himself.

But regardless it had been nice and it has Sam breathing easy.

The movie was loud and full of gun shots and loud groans but Sam wasn't really paying attention.

There was barley anyone in the movie.

A young teenage couple some rows in front of them. A man sitting the row in front on down and an elderly couple in the very back.

Being in the middle was not a good option.

Sam had been training to snack on his popcorn he convinced Dean to get since he didn't get any dessert unlike the older man and they ended up sharing at and a coke ICEE to which Sam slurped down in minutes resulting in a headache making Dean chuckle.

But now Dean’s rough hand was pressing down on his thigh, the heat scorching through his jeans making him shift in his seat. He tried giving Dean a warning look but all he got was a smirk.

A breathy sigh left him as the hand trailed higher and rubbed at his waistline before carefully slipping inside his pants, the rough padded fingers sliding around him making him see stars.

His breath was coming faster now as Dean’s movements picked up and he tried to hold in the sounds he could feel bubbling in his throat and he prayed to God he would moan out loud.

As if Dean could sense his thoughts he picked up the pace, his fingers rubbing across the tip making Sam’s hips shoot off the seat and a startled yelp leave his mouth.

By the time he came down the credits were rolling and Dean was wiping his hand on a napkin with a satisfied smirk and Sam wanted to die.

They were walking out of the theater Dean’s arm wrapped around Sam’s shoulder his nose nuzzling his ear making Sam squirm with a laugh but nonetheless lean into the touch.

Sam sighed happily as the moonlight blared down on them as they walked to Dean’s precious car a blissed smile on his face as his arm tightened around Dean’s waist. 

The happiness faded as Dean halted making Sam choke slightly as his arm wrapped around Sam’s neck and he looked up confused at the action. But Dean wasn't looking at him. 

 

Sam frowned and slid his eyes over to the car and a horrified gasp left his lips. Dean’s arm dropped from Sam and he stumbled forward with wide eyes and heavy breaths. Sam lifted his hand to his mouth and watched.

The front windshield was bashed in, glass layered on the torn leather seats that looked like they had been ripped open. The tires were slashed open and key marks littered the side of the car. The hood was dented in like someone had stomped on it, but Sam noticed the words more than anything else.

YOUR MOVE.

BURN IN HELL.

Sam blinked angry tears from his eyes and bit his lip as he reached a shaky hand out and laid it on Dean’s back that tensed up. His brother turned and Sam had never seen him so lost.

His eyes were wide and his mouth bobbing but just like that the look faded and pure fury took its place. He clenched his fists and his eyes darkened ad they lowered, his cheeks puffing out as he seethed.

Sam lowered his hand and backed up slowly “Dean...”

His brothers lip snarled as spit flew from his lips “that’s it...its time to kill this fucking bitch and your not gonna stop me.”

Sam gulped and looked over his shoulder at his beloved baby. He took a deep breath and looked in his brothers raging eyes “your right I wont stop you.”

His mother was losing her mind, she was taking things to far. She had followed them. 

This wasn't his mother anymore.

Game over.


	18. Over

They waited. Sam decided it was smart to bide their time, they didn't want to screw this up. But when his dad called and said he was going out of town for work and he wouldn't be back for a couple days Sam knew this was their chance.

Sam sat on the couch and watched as Dean pulled out a shelf behind the TV, his jaw dropping at the weapons that were held up on the wall in the back. He looked at Dean with wide eyes as he picked through his options, settling on a long knife and a handgun.

He turns with wild eyes and smirks at Sam and tosses him a gun which he catches clumsily “if the bitch tries to run, shoot her in the fucking head.”

Sam gulps and grips the gun tight in his sweaty hand and stands when Dean motions him to. He walks over and tangles his fingers in Sam's hair and pulls him close, pressing a kiss to his forehead “its gonna be ok Sammy, after tonight its just you and me.”

Sam nods with a shaky sigh and leans into Dean touch and rubs his cheek against his brothers shoulder.

Its around midnight when they load up in the car and take off for his house. 

As they pull up Sam’s stomach rolls and he thinks he might be sick. He closes his eyes and rubs his belly as it churns. He throws the door open and leans out and throws up on the curb, his body jerking and his eyes tearing as the acid hits his throat.

He can hear Dean sigh as he leans over and rubs his back, his rough fingertips sliding under his shirt making him shiver. He wipes his mouth and rests his head on the seat as Dean shifts next to him.

“You good?”

Sam makes a face “no...”

Dean leans back in his seat and looks Sam over with dangerous eyes “your not backing out are you? I thought we were on the same page. She needs to go Sammy, shes never gonna leave us alone.”

Sam rubs his face and drags his hands down his face and turns to look at Dean and nods “your right... Lets just get this over with.”

Dean grins and they climb out of the car they parked down the street. As their making their way to his house his stomach clenches again. He isn't sure he can do this.

The house is dark which means Mary has to be asleep, shes never been good at staying up late.

God what about his dad? He’s gonna come home and find his wife dead. He’ll know who did it. There wont be any doubt so what happens then? They go to jail.

Sam grabs Dean’s arm as he starts walking up the driveway “what about dad? He’ll know Dean.”

Dean purses his lips in thought “then I guess we get rid of him to.”

“No!” Sam yells out and winces at his own voice that echoes through the night making Dean look around in panic before glaring at him. “No...I wont hurt my dad and I wont let you either. He’s the only one who tried to understand me, he isn't like mom he loves me.”

“I love you...I’m here for you.”

Sam shakes his head “I know but its...he’s my dad.”

Dean growls and rolls his eyes “will figure it out later then...right now though we have a job to do.”

Dean knocks Sam’s hand away and walks up to the front door and picks the lock quickly before slipping inside.

The house is pitch black and quiet and Sam thinks this should go easy, maybe he wont even have to do anything.

But then just as Dean makes it to the living room he falls down with a groan and his mom is standing above him with a baseball bat and a crazy look in her eye.

Sam gasps and looks down at Dean and steps forward to go to him but his mom blocks his way.

“You think you can come in here and get the jump on me?” his mom laughs lowly “you should know better than that.”

Sam looks his mom over and he doesn't recognize the woman in front of him. Her hair is messy and greasy, her skin is pale and the circles under her wild eyes is black like she hasn't slept. This isn't his mom.

“Mom...put the bat down.”

She cackles “why so you can kill me? I don't think so Sam,” she looks down at Dean and snarls “this is his fault! This isn't us Sam your my son and I love you he took you away from me!”

Sam shakes his head and holds his hands up “no mom he didn't you did. You took me away from him, you lied to me what did you think would happen?”

She scoffs “I did it to protect you Sam look at him! He’s an animal!”

Sam looks down at his brother who turns on his back and groans as he looks up at their mom. He then looks up to their mother, her hands twitching “no mom... You are.”

With that Dean reaches up like lightning and grabs the bat and swings it at their moms legs knocking her down with a loud thud and she yells out as Dean rolls on his back and hops up and lifts the bat high “lights out bitch!”

Just as he goes to swing Mary leans forward and digs her teeth in Dean’s leg making him cry out and bend down as Mary takes a knife out.

Sam watches in horror as she swipes her knife with Dean’s burned cheek and he cries out twisting around and falling on his stomach, his hand covering his cheek as he pushes up on his knees.

Sam steps forward and grabs his moms hair and throws her away from Dean and hurries over to bend in front of him and grabs his face and lifts his head and gasps at the sight.

The cut from the knife is sliced down the middle of his scarred cheek but more than that the gash allows Sam to see smooth skin. The scar is flayed back and open almost chipping from the white skin and Sam reaches a hand to touch.

“Dean...”

Dean lifts his hand and his eyes widen at the feel he looks up at their mom with a wicked grin and then digs his fingers and pulls the skin down.

Like a butterfly shedding its cocoon the skin peels off like it had never been there in the first place and Sam watches in shock and awe as unharmed skin is reveled, if a little rough looking.

This seems to give Dean a new found confidence because he jumps up and grab's their mother by the throat and lifts her off the ground with a growl and slams her against the wall making her choke.

He throws her on the ground and climbs on top of her and pulls his knife from his pocket and holds it high and brings it down and slashes her across the arm, then the leg before stabbing her deep in the stomach blood pouring as she cries out.

He twists around and looks at Sam with feral eyes and holds his hand out “come here.”

Sam does so slowly and falls to his knees as Dean shoves him down and tosses him the knife “do it.”

Sam gasps “what?”

“I said fucking do it...kill her Sam!”

Sam gulps and looks down at his mom who blinks wet eyes up at him, blood seeping from her mouth “Sam...”

Sam’s mouth bobs helplessly and he turns to look at Dean. To plead he isn't sure but Dean’s eyes narrow “do it!”

Mary struggles and he looks back down her eyes seem different now, colder “he’ll never love you like I do Sam.”

Something cold hits Sam’s heart and a darkness curls inside him as he lifts the knife in his hands and swipes his hand out and send one last cut to Mary’s throat and that's it.

He chokes a couple more seconds and then her vacant eyes stare blankly at Sam as he drops the knife and falls back on his butt and stares with wide eyes at his dead mother.

He can hear his brother laugh breathlessly before a kiss is pressed to his head and he’s pulled in Dean’s arms and a bloody hand runs down his cheek “that's my boy...oh that's my good boy.”


	19. Wicked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for staying with this verse! Make sure you stay tuned I'll be posting the next section soon.

Sam had stared down at his bloody hands for a good ten minutes. He felt in a trance as the blood dried and stained his hands a bright red.

He killed his mother.

When it was obvious he wasn't moving Dean bent down and tucked his arms under Sam’s armpits and lifted. He tried dragging Sam along for a couple minutes before he huffed and picked him up bridal style and carried him to the car.

When Sam was safe inside, his eyes still wide with shock and his eyes blurring as he stared at his hands.

Dean walked back inside and looked down at Mary’s body with a smirk “stupid bitch.”

He debated on just leaving the body for Mick to find but then thought better of it. Sam was right they would be the first people Mick would suspect and as much as he would love to just get rid of the fucker he knew Sam wouldn't forgive him and he couldn't have that.

So he pulled a tarp from his bag and rolled her lifeless body up, cleaned the blood from the floor and looked around to make sure everything looked decent before heaving her heavy body over his shoulder.

Sam was still staring at his hands when he got to the car and threw her body inside watching as Sam jumped at the loud noise. When he climbed in next to his brother he reached a hand out and ran his fingers through Sam’s tangled hair.

Finally, Sam dropped his hands and turned slowly to look at his brother his eyes were red and filled with tears “what did I do?”

Dean gripped Sam’s neck in his hand and narrowed his eyes “what you had to...she was never gonna let us be together Sammy you know that. She was crazy, she was gonna kill me Sam you know it. You did what was right baby.”

Sam blinked and looked down at his hands and tucked them between his legs. He nodded shakily and took a deep breath “now what?”

“Now we dump the body.”

They drove an hour out to an empty lakeside location that no one visited anymore. Dean moved to get out of the car and Sam followed but Dean reached out and gripped his wrist “no...stay here.”

Sam scoffed “Dean I just killed our mom I can bury a fucking body.”

Dean lifted a brow and lifted up an ax he pulled from the back “not the way I’m gonna do it.”

Sam’s eyes widened as Dean carelessly drug the body from the back and threw it down on the dirty ground “your gonna cut her up?”

Dean shrugged and gave a toothy smile, the same smile that got Sam into this mess. “It’s the best way to do it...this way makes it harder for them to identify the body...if there's one left.”

Sam closed his eyes and moved himself back down in the car and shut the door and tried it ignore the wet sound that followed as Dean hacked away at their mothers body and some part in him told him he should feel sick. He should get out of this car, run to a police station and turn himself in. Instead he sat there with his eyes forward, not flinching as the sound of bones breaking entered his ears.

When Dean got back in the car an hour later he was a mess. Sweat, dirt, and blood stained his body. He turned to look at Sam a wicked smile on his lips and his eyes zeroed in on the speck of blood that was dried on his front tooth.

The car ride home was filled with silence. Sam wanted to feel bad but he couldn't. Yes this woman was his mother. She raised him, she taught him how to respect others, how to walk and talk but Dean could have done that to. She took Dean’s childhood away and then tried to blame him for it when she was no better.

His mom was a monster.

But then again so was he.

When they walked in the apartment they were tired, bloody and dirty and all Sam wanted was to shower and sleep for a million years.

He made it no further than past the door when he was slammed against the wall, his head banging making him see stars as his brother smashed their lips together roughly, blood already forming between their lips.

Dean’s hands were roaming jerkily down his body, his shirt tearing at the seams as he pulled and tossed it in the corner. His brother huffed against his lips as he rid them of their clothes, a cocky look in his eye “gotta burn the evidence might as well make some fun of it.”

Sam blinked hazily as his brother manhandled him away from the wall and pushed him toward the bathroom only letting him go to turn the shower on, steam already filling the room as Dean returned and trailed his wet lips down Sam’s sweaty neck.

A whine slipped past Sam’s cracked, bruised lips as his brother mauled at his neck his calloused hands smoothing down his backside and slipping past his dry hole.

He was shoved roughly into the shower, a pain filled hiss leaving him as the scalding water hit his skin but the thought left him as Dean turned him and pressed his front to the cold tile making him moan as hips pinned him, Dean’s erection pressing against his ass.

“De...Dean please.”

He could feel his brother smirk as his lips faded past his ear and once again it hit him how wrong this should be, how sick he should feel. But instead he was begging for his brother to fuck him like a 2 dollar whore.

And he didn't care in the least.

It seemed neither of them had time for foreplay as Dean reached back for the water lubricant and pressed two fingers in Sam’s tight hole making his eyes squeeze shut and a gasp to leave his lips.

When he made it up to three Dean removed his fingers and pressed his wet erection to Sam’s hole, bit down on his ear and thrusted inside making Sam cry out and stars dance across his vision for a second time tonight.

The skin kept slipping from the water and Sam watched as the blood washed from the bodies and slipped down the drain like it had never been there, like they hadn't just killed their mother a couple hours ago.

He tried to wonder how his father would feel when he came home to an empty house. What would he say to him? Would he question him? 

The questions erased from his mind as Dean nailed his prostate causing a loud moan to erupt from his mouth as he pressed back against his brother and tried to get as close as he could without molding into one. He could feel sharp teeth gnawing at his neck, blunt fingertips digging into hips and he had never felt more at peace.

Dean circled his hips and twisted suddenly and that was all it took for Sam to splash against the white tile and he couldn't even feel embarrassed about it because Dean came hotly the next minute painting his insides.

As they winded down and Dean lazily washed his body and tucked him in a towel before bundling them up in warm sheets Sam felt something poking at his heart. He wouldn't call it guilt and he wouldn't call it shame.

And as he looked up at his brother whose eyes were shining brightly, deep and sated before pressing plush lips to his Sam figured it would.

It was something wicked.


End file.
